...I just wrote out a very long and emotional story about what happened, and for some reason Snapzu wouldn't let me post it (it just timed out). I really hope it comes back. I'm leaving this comment as a reminder to check.
We had an issue with the DB server just now, the DB went down for about 20 min or so until we fixed it minutes ago. Really sorry if you lost your post because of it.
I don't feel like typing everything out again, but to still contribute to the post, here gist of it: I was best friends with a legitimate sociopath for at least 10 years. Due to a less than ideal upbringing and very poor self-confidence, I let her emotionally abuse me and treat me like general garbage for over a decade. The breaking point was when she got me black out drunk at a pub and sent me home with some random guy, then told all of our friends about what a slut I was for it. After about a year of no contact, I ran in to her at a party (she was drunk and high on MDMA and acid) - she confronted me and asked me if I wanted to talk. I said not really, but asked her why she did that. She just bluntly looked at me and said she was jealous of me and she simply hated me for it. She had been purposely fucking with me and making my life hell for over 10 years. And I put up with it.
It took a bit of therapy to get past, but I'm getting better. I haven't seen her in years, and I'm so relieved by that. Thinking of her joining my social circle again gives me actual anxiety. I would give anything to get those 10 years back.
Moving 1100 miles away from my friends pretty much ended all of my friendships at once. Sure, there were a couple of people I tried to keep in contact with, but over time even those connections dried up. I suppose one of the key components of a friendship is "shared experience". You don't get that hundreds of miles away.
Growing up, making friends was trivial. Walk home from the bus stop and you have three new buddies before you make it to the house. Even a geeky asshole like me was part of a large entourage who got together on an almost daily basis.
Making friends as an adult is a whole different matter. Kids, work, obligations make things much more clouded. but, I managed to pick up a few good people to hang out and have beers with. So, it's all good.
I was in the Marine Corps for 4 years. In my units and MOS (job), people and even you moved around the world a lot. My first year was almost extreme in this regard; I lost a few friend at least once a month, but typically more. At first, I would try to keep the friendships going even though the people were far away. Then I started learning that it can sour the entire relationship because it will slowly fade away. The friendship isn't just the relationship between two people, but the entire system: people, situations (individual, relative, group, and setting), location, developmental stage, etc. So now when I part with friends that are either leaving, getting married, having a kid, starts getting unbearable, etc., I cut the friendship right there and remember it for the good times. It's much better than creating a bunch of bad memories.
Had one really good friend who went into the Army. Was in the Bosnia Conflict. Came back after a two year tour a little messed up. Didn't talk a lot about the shit that went on there. While his MOS (Intelligence) generally kept him out of harm's way, he still got enough of it to mess him up a bit. Another buddy of mine was a Marine. He did a little better. Unsure of his occupation, but he worked a lot with the encrypted radio stuff used for battlefield communications. He told me as much as he could about it, fascinating field. Was a little jealous ;)
Me and the first guy wrote a shit ton of letters back in the day. Made communications a bitch. We eventually drifted apart after I moved up to KC. Still email on occasion, but it's been years since I've touched base.
Takes a lot of willpower to decide to cut things off. I can understand where you're coming from, tho. letting things linger ends up worse in the long run.
They say don't date your friends, it's so true. The emotional baggage that we both still lug around from a 4 month, long distance stint has forever affected our relationship. I can barely stay in the same room as him anymore after the passive aggressive shit he pulled on me after we broke up.
Bullying. My best friend was trying to fit in with the cool kids at the new school but I wasn't, so they decided to bully me. My best friend just watched. The worst thing is that this happened to me again two years later when I switched schools and reunited with my two other friends who didn't study at the same school as the first one.
That was the worst moment in my life, I can't imagine such a thing happening twice over. Especially with my current group of friends, so many good memories would've been shattered if that happened. Way back when, my so-called friends even had the gall to come up to me and apologize for it when the cool kids were not around. But I guess after all these years it really stopped bothering me. We do stupid things when we're younger I suppose.
I lost my 16 year old cousin a couple of months ago when he commited suicide. Even though we were a couple of years apart he was an awesome person that I had known almost all my life. We'd often get together and talk about modding and rooting our android phones and different root apps we enjoyed using and how to install xposed on his stock Galaxy S5 and our favorite xposed modules. Feels odd having that hole in my life that I never thought i'd have.
She sold my table that I bought, after she stained it, didn't offer to pay me any money, didn't ask me if it was okay to sell/modify my table. Granted, I didn't like the table, but dang it, it was my property. She did a couple of things like this. My mom swears she is manipulative. She might be clueless, but ultimately she's not very nice to me. So, yeah. We are no longer friends.
He stole something and blamed me for it. Got me into big trouble at home. I took my time, caught him over the weekend when he was walking back alone from the playground, dislocated his shoulder and nearly broke his ribs. Haven't spoken to him in decades now.
Showed their true colors, I guess. Found out he was just using me because I had nice things, and I couldn't see through it. Push came to shove, a Macbook went missing, and I torched his ass. (after getting my computer back. Thanks, Find my iPhone!)
Weed. I used it; she didn't. Didn't understand it either, or understand why I needed it at that time. Called Social Services on me. Social Worker turned up, said by the sound of things he expected me to be using heroin. Went off happy. Four years good friendship down the drain for me and all the kids. :(
I had one who I was platonic with, zero romantic interest, and had set up to get her to L.A. for an event of mutual interest. I had to pull strings, pay for event and plane tickets. Hell, I even arranged the damn ride to the airport. Night before, I get a call saying that she can't make it. I offered to come get her an have her stay at my place so she could ride with me to the airport, but she was absolutely insistent that she couldn't go. When I pressed for details, she wouldn't offer any. I went, had some fun, and the next time I saw her, asked her what that was about, and she sheepishly admitted that she had agreed to go on a date with a guy and felt that this wasn't as important. I then presented her with a breakdown of what she owed me (as we had previously agreed upon), not including my time. It was something like $300 and change that I had paid for out of my own pocket back in the mid-90's. Her response? "Oh, how about I give you a few haircuts for free?"
Time. We just slowly drifted away. Started having less and less interests in common, less to talk about. Less reasons to hang out. Eventually we just stopped talking to each other all together.
Join the Discussion
He died. He was an early aids victim, before the world knew what aids was.
That was a horrible time, the GRID days, my condolences.
...I just wrote out a very long and emotional story about what happened, and for some reason Snapzu wouldn't let me post it (it just timed out). I really hope it comes back. I'm leaving this comment as a reminder to check.
We had an issue with the DB server just now, the DB went down for about 20 min or so until we fixed it minutes ago. Really sorry if you lost your post because of it.
Thanks for getting it back up so quickly.
That's okay, thank you for the response.
I don't feel like typing everything out again, but to still contribute to the post, here gist of it: I was best friends with a legitimate sociopath for at least 10 years. Due to a less than ideal upbringing and very poor self-confidence, I let her emotionally abuse me and treat me like general garbage for over a decade. The breaking point was when she got me black out drunk at a pub and sent me home with some random guy, then told all of our friends about what a slut I was for it. After about a year of no contact, I ran in to her at a party (she was drunk and high on MDMA and acid) - she confronted me and asked me if I wanted to talk. I said not really, but asked her why she did that. She just bluntly looked at me and said she was jealous of me and she simply hated me for it. She had been purposely fucking with me and making my life hell for over 10 years. And I put up with it.
It took a bit of therapy to get past, but I'm getting better. I haven't seen her in years, and I'm so relieved by that. Thinking of her joining my social circle again gives me actual anxiety. I would give anything to get those 10 years back.
Moving 1100 miles away from my friends pretty much ended all of my friendships at once. Sure, there were a couple of people I tried to keep in contact with, but over time even those connections dried up. I suppose one of the key components of a friendship is "shared experience". You don't get that hundreds of miles away.
Growing up, making friends was trivial. Walk home from the bus stop and you have three new buddies before you make it to the house. Even a geeky asshole like me was part of a large entourage who got together on an almost daily basis.
Making friends as an adult is a whole different matter. Kids, work, obligations make things much more clouded. but, I managed to pick up a few good people to hang out and have beers with. So, it's all good.
I was in the Marine Corps for 4 years. In my units and MOS (job), people and even you moved around the world a lot. My first year was almost extreme in this regard; I lost a few friend at least once a month, but typically more. At first, I would try to keep the friendships going even though the people were far away. Then I started learning that it can sour the entire relationship because it will slowly fade away. The friendship isn't just the relationship between two people, but the entire system: people, situations (individual, relative, group, and setting), location, developmental stage, etc. So now when I part with friends that are either leaving, getting married, having a kid, starts getting unbearable, etc., I cut the friendship right there and remember it for the good times. It's much better than creating a bunch of bad memories.
Had one really good friend who went into the Army. Was in the Bosnia Conflict. Came back after a two year tour a little messed up. Didn't talk a lot about the shit that went on there. While his MOS (Intelligence) generally kept him out of harm's way, he still got enough of it to mess him up a bit. Another buddy of mine was a Marine. He did a little better. Unsure of his occupation, but he worked a lot with the encrypted radio stuff used for battlefield communications. He told me as much as he could about it, fascinating field. Was a little jealous ;)
Me and the first guy wrote a shit ton of letters back in the day. Made communications a bitch. We eventually drifted apart after I moved up to KC. Still email on occasion, but it's been years since I've touched base.
Takes a lot of willpower to decide to cut things off. I can understand where you're coming from, tho. letting things linger ends up worse in the long run.
Dating him.
They say don't date your friends, it's so true. The emotional baggage that we both still lug around from a 4 month, long distance stint has forever affected our relationship. I can barely stay in the same room as him anymore after the passive aggressive shit he pulled on me after we broke up.
A guy. It wasn't even a love triangle.
Bullying. My best friend was trying to fit in with the cool kids at the new school but I wasn't, so they decided to bully me. My best friend just watched. The worst thing is that this happened to me again two years later when I switched schools and reunited with my two other friends who didn't study at the same school as the first one.
That was the worst moment in my life, I can't imagine such a thing happening twice over. Especially with my current group of friends, so many good memories would've been shattered if that happened. Way back when, my so-called friends even had the gall to come up to me and apologize for it when the cool kids were not around. But I guess after all these years it really stopped bothering me. We do stupid things when we're younger I suppose.
I lost my 16 year old cousin a couple of months ago when he commited suicide. Even though we were a couple of years apart he was an awesome person that I had known almost all my life. We'd often get together and talk about modding and rooting our android phones and different root apps we enjoyed using and how to install xposed on his stock Galaxy S5 and our favorite xposed modules. Feels odd having that hole in my life that I never thought i'd have.
My roommate. Hopefully soon to be ex-roommate.
She sold my table that I bought, after she stained it, didn't offer to pay me any money, didn't ask me if it was okay to sell/modify my table. Granted, I didn't like the table, but dang it, it was my property. She did a couple of things like this. My mom swears she is manipulative. She might be clueless, but ultimately she's not very nice to me. So, yeah. We are no longer friends.
I feel like living together has a very high potential of quickly souring any friendship.
Yup. I should known better.
The asshole broke the "bros before hos" rule by sleeping with my then-girlfriend.
He stole something and blamed me for it. Got me into big trouble at home. I took my time, caught him over the weekend when he was walking back alone from the playground, dislocated his shoulder and nearly broke his ribs. Haven't spoken to him in decades now.
Showed their true colors, I guess. Found out he was just using me because I had nice things, and I couldn't see through it. Push came to shove, a Macbook went missing, and I torched his ass. (after getting my computer back. Thanks, Find my iPhone!)
Weed. I used it; she didn't. Didn't understand it either, or understand why I needed it at that time. Called Social Services on me. Social Worker turned up, said by the sound of things he expected me to be using heroin. Went off happy. Four years good friendship down the drain for me and all the kids. :(
I had one who I was platonic with, zero romantic interest, and had set up to get her to L.A. for an event of mutual interest. I had to pull strings, pay for event and plane tickets. Hell, I even arranged the damn ride to the airport. Night before, I get a call saying that she can't make it. I offered to come get her an have her stay at my place so she could ride with me to the airport, but she was absolutely insistent that she couldn't go. When I pressed for details, she wouldn't offer any. I went, had some fun, and the next time I saw her, asked her what that was about, and she sheepishly admitted that she had agreed to go on a date with a guy and felt that this wasn't as important. I then presented her with a breakdown of what she owed me (as we had previously agreed upon), not including my time. It was something like $300 and change that I had paid for out of my own pocket back in the mid-90's. Her response? "Oh, how about I give you a few haircuts for free?"
Yeah, no thanks. Have a nice life.
Time. We just slowly drifted away. Started having less and less interests in common, less to talk about. Less reasons to hang out. Eventually we just stopped talking to each other all together.