I remember walking into a Hells Angels club house when I was about 18 and seeing a list of rules something like this and it surprised me:

1. Don't mess shit up.

2. If you open it, shut it. If you pick it up, put it back, etc.

3. Don't touch other people's stuff with their permission.

4. If you fuck it up, fix it.

5. If you break something, replace it ASAP.

6. Do not fuck with other guys girlfriends.

7. Get along. But if you have to fight go outside and don't break shit.

8. All fights are one on one with no weapons. Break that rule and you are open game.

9. Bikes get parked in the back.

10. Be nice to the neighbors.

If you use something, just kinda put it wherever when you're done with it. I break that rule at least a dozen times a day, but luckily nobody else in my family has picked up my bad habit.

Those are my rules as well. My pet rules:

Don't pick up or chase the house bunnies. Unless the bunny approaches you and asks for attention,ignore him/her.

1. Don't mind me living with heaps of paint and canvasses

2. No fighting or arguing

3. Don't touch anything of materials, works or my computer(stuff)

4. What is said inside my house stays there

5. Taste, at least something out of politeness, when I'm cooking (always at least a serving too much).

6. Try avoiding cursing. Not because of any religious reason, but because it shows a lack of linguistic skills

7. This is the flex-rule (is made up when stuff happens or starts to happen and is not wished for). ;-)

Edit: some fine tuning here and there, just to be sure there are no real loopholes.

- put the dishes in the dish washer when you finish your food
- no shoes past the entrance
- no smoking
- turn off the lights when you're not in the room
- tv volume low past 10pm, no loud music, etc

Im sure there is a few more rules, just cant seem to remember them at this point.

No smoking, I control the remote, dishes in the sink or dishwasher, shoes off. And don't be rude.

The one with the boobs makes the rules.

1. Ignore alignment. 2. Multiclassing requires in-game justification. 3. Just take max HP at each level. 4. GM rolls any dice where the results of "failure" are the same as the results for "nothing there to detect."

Me casa su casa - and don't assume I won't notice any little peckadilloes in what appears to be a rubbish tip. It isn't and I will.

Just because the cat sits there does not mean you can. (Mostly addressed to my son.)

If the cat meows at you, scratch his head. If he continues to make noises, assume that he needs feeding and do so. (This also is mostly addressed to my son.)

DON'T say "Don't get up" to me, especially when I am already getting up. Bit late by then, I am disrupted.

C'est la guerre, Pierre...

Aside from the standard house rules, I have a few that I'm pretty adamant about with my kids:

1.  When you're done in the pool, put your wet towels in the basket. Don't leave them laying wherever. 
2.  If you get something out of the dishwasher, empty the damn dishwasher! (i.e. No taking a spoon and leaving everything else)
3.  If Mom says 'no', don't come ask me. If I say 'no', don't go ask Mom.
4.  No electronics in the dining room. 
5.  Requests for money over $20 must be submitted in writing, and signed off on by both Mom and Dad.
6.  The dog doesn't care that it's your favorite toy/shoes/jeans/book/anything that exists: If you leave it on the floor, he will shred it. 

(For some reason, I can't get the standard formatting to work today.)

Cell phones get dropped off on the counter (that's also where there's a bunch of charging cables). The fact that our house is basically a signal barrier makes this rule easier to enforce.

No dogs in the kitchen when people are in the kitchen.

No dogs within 6 feet of the table when people are eating.

No animals on furniture.

Be a good person (this also applies to dogs).