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Published 3 years ago with 8 Comments

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  • captainjib
    +6

    The thing about this article in particular is that people do have preferences, and the pictures featured in the article and on her instagram profile are taken from very flattering angles. In other words, she is intentionally presenting herself through her slimmest looking photos. These, when compared to this do look like two different bodies. If someone went on a date with her, expecting her to look more as the photos imply, then it's fair of them to be surprised. She said that it was a tinder date. This also implies that if the person had seen a more accurate representation of her body to begin with, he never would have gone on a date with her at all. I think that it's unfair to imply that he knew all along that he wasn't interested when she intentionally misled him on this.

    I'm not at all suggesting that there is anything wrong with her body. I think she's gorgeous and has amazing hair. I do think, though, that people are entitled to their preferences, and that it's good he was honest with her. It's unfair of her to be bashing him for this.

    • secretcity
      +2

      I almost hate to comment at all because this whole thing can be such a touchy subject. I think both parties could have handled it better. You have valid points about her potentially 'misrepresenting' her body type via more flattering angles vs others. That said, he could have simply said, "You're a very nice person, but I'm not interested." Something like that.

      • captainjib
        +3

        I agree, it's a pretty difficult subject. But he actually did say that. They got to the date and he realized that he wasn't interested, but he still treated her well and even she admits that she had a nice time. In the note he sent her, he says,

        So whilst I am hugely turned on by your mind, your face, your personality (and God ... I really, really am), I can’t say the same about your figure. So I can sit there and flirt and have the most incredibly fun evening, but I have this awful feeling that when we got undressed my body would let me down. I don’t want that to happen

        and

        I’m so disappointed in myself Michelle because I’ve genuinely not felt this way about anyone in ages, but I’m trying to be honest with you without sounding like a total knobhead.

        and

        I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m trying to avoid bigger pain in the future by telling you now so we don’t have to go through that embarrassment. I’m a man ... With all the red hot lusts of a man and all the failings of a man and I’m sure of my own body and its needs. Please try and forgive me.

        She chose to go public with it and turn it into a body-shaming issue. I don't think that he did anything wrong. It's just too bad that they weren't compatible I guess : )

    • oystein
      +1

      I got the impression (from another news source) that the date sent her a long rant on why he wouldn't date her, which was fairly uncalled for. Still, the fact that people stop dating for whatever shallow reasons isn't exactly news.

      • captainjib
        +5

        The letter is out there; he never once actually calls her fat or says anything negative about her body. He only says how sorry he is for not being attracted to her while reassuring her that she is a lovely person. I'd hardly call it a rant. I copied some quotes from the letter into a comment above, if you'd like to read them : )

        • oystein
          +2

          I saw them. It's still a weird thing to do, though. In dating, people have to constantly face their own lowered self worth (due to rejection) and I think personally the best thing is to not say anything except for "It doesn't work for me", elaborating on why it doesn't work can make you seem shallow even though it's central part of how you get attracted to other people. Sometimes it's better to shut up if you don't want other people's opinions of you lowered. I'm not saying it should be like this, but that is how it is, unfortunately.

  • lustig
    +2

    Don't hate the playa, hate the game

  • lustig
    +2

    Man writes:

    "Hey Michelle, sorry been super busy at work today hun.

    Thanks for a wonderful evening last night. I really enjoyed your company and actually adore you. You’re cheeky and funny and just the sort of girl I would love to go out with if only my body and mind would let me. But I fear it won’t.

    I’m not going to bulls — t you ... I f — king adore you Michelle and I think you’re the prettiest looking girl I’ve ever met. But my mind gets turned on by someone slimmer.

    Shallow? It’s not meant to be. It’s the same reaction you get when you read a great author or see an amazing image, or listen to a piece of music you love, it has that instant reaction in you that makes you crave more.

    So whilst I am hugely turned on by your mind, your face, your personality (and God ... I really, really am), I can’t say the same about your figure. So I can sit there and flirt and have the most incredibly fun evening, but I have this awful feeling that when we got undressed my body would let me down. I don’t want that to happen baby. I don’t want to be lying there next to you, and you asking me why I’m not hard.

    There are certain triggers that fire my imagination into life and your wit and intelligence are the beginning of that process which would inevitably end up in the bedroom. With just one result ...

    I’m so disappointed in myself Michelle because I’ve genuinely not felt this way about anyone in ages, but I’m trying to be honest with you without sounding like a total knobhead.

    We could be amazing friends, we could flirt and joke and adore each other and ... f — k me ... I would marry you like a shot if you were a slip of a girl because what you have in that mind of yours is utterly unique, and I really really love it.

    I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m trying to avoid bigger pain in the future by telling you now so we don’t have to go through that embarrassment. I’m a man ... With all the red hot lusts of a man and all the failings of a man and I’m sure of my own body and its needs. Please try and forgive me. I adore you xx"

    ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

    Woman replies:

    Dear Man I Met On Tinder.

    “I was on another date when I received your message. He returned from the loo to find me in a flood of tears. He was lovely, but baffled, and hasn’t been in touch since, funnily enough.

    You don’t have to fancy me. We all have a good friend who we look at ruefully and think “you’re lovely, but you just don’t tickle my pickle”. We wish we were attracted to them, but our bodies and our brains don’t work like that. And that’s fine. What isn’t fine is the fact that, after a few hours in my company, you took the time to write this utterly uncalled-for message. It’s nothing short of sadistic. Your tone is saccharine and condescending, but the forensic detail in which you express your disgust at my body is truly grotesque.

    The only possible objective for writing it is to wound me.

    And I’m ashamed to say, for a few moments, it worked. You stirred a dormant fear that every woman who was ever a teenage girl has — that it doesn’t matter how funny you are, how clever, how kind, how passionate, how loyal, how determined or adventurous or vibrant — if you’re a stone overweight, no one will ever find you desirable.

    I like the...

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