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What do you routinely lie about?

5 years ago by 90boss with 39 comments

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  • madjo
    +22

    "Yeah, sorry, can't come to this work related thing that's happening in my spare time, because, I have other plans."

    • cailihphiliac
      +1

      It's still true, even if those other plans were to sit on the couch in your underwear and binge on Netflix and chocolate.

      • madjo
        +2

        You basically described my plans with that. :)

        • cailihphiliac
          +2

          They're pretty good plans. They'd be my plans too if I had curtains and netflix. I have to settle for pyjamas and Torrents

          • madjo
            +2

            I do have curtains, but they're rarely drawn. I'll walk around in my underwear whenever I want. If people have problems with that, then they shouldn't be looking in my window. :)

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  • a7h13f
    +14

    "Well, there's lot of possible ways that your laptop could have been infected with this virus, and without doing an extensive analysis on your system, it's hard to say..."

    That's just me bullshitting you. You have a teenage son? He's looking at porn and he's not very good at it.

    • pixelboot
      +8

      I've used this line so many times that it doesn't even feel like a lie anymore.

    • racerxonclar
      +6

      He's looking at porn and he's not very good at it.

      This! I swear to god... I didn't even run an anti-virus for several years and never caught anything. How people catch stuff with an active anti-virus running blows my mind.

      • a7h13f
        +7

        This was a few years back, but I swear it's 100% true. In this one case, I actually was able to identify the source of the virus - pretty easily. It was a file downloaded through a torrent client named:

        BritneySpearsAngelinaJolieDoubleHeadedDildo.jpg.avi.mpg.bmp.exe

        I'm still not quite sure if the user thought that they were downloading a picture or a video, but either way, I'm quite sure that if that particular "leak" had somehow happened, you wouldn't have to find out about it through some shady torrent site...

        • racerxonclar
          +4

          It's self-extracting zip of...a bmp screenshot of a video?... Yeah, that's all I got :D

  • idlethreat
    +8

    I really can't think of a single thing, really. I have a "terminal lack of tact" when it comes to stuff.

    That being said, I don't openly offer information. If you don't ask, I don't tell.

  • spaceghoti
    +7

    My sexual prowess.

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  • chuckqfinn
    +7

    having "plans" when it comes to social gatherings/events

  • Vera
    +7

    Whenever the internet demands my age to open an account or something, I take 10 years off the top. always.

    • spaceghoti
      +5

      Curious, I always do the opposite. I go for the oldest age available. I have, in the past, claims to have been born January 1st, 1920.

      • Vera
        +7

        Well every email or 'account' now wants you to give a birthdate for security reasons but I dont find it very secure to give my real birthday online all the time so I created a fake one, but I had to remember it so I could access said accounts if they ever did get locked. And so I decided, why not be 10 years younger? Voila.

  • racerxonclar
    +6

    Aside from /u/nanno's mention... my next most frequent would be making up reasons not to be around my father. It's just not worth the risk of starting a fight with someone that's practically bipolar and highly irrational.

  • ttubravesrock
    +5

    I try to make it a point to not lie to other people.

    I do tend to lie to myself sometimes though. "I'm going to get home and do the dishes from yesterday and cook dinner, then do the dishes again so that I don't get behind again." Out of the three things in that sentence, I will cook dinner but the stack of dishes will get taller. Stuff like that.

    • Vera
      +7

      'Life is just a chair of bowlies'

      • ttubravesrock
        +5

        I'd never heard that until now. Thanks, it's almost perfect except for one thing. We have a strict 'no dirty dishes ON the furniture' policy. They at least get piled up next to the sink!

  • DrunkOldMan
    +5

    I'm too honest almost brutally honest. You lie about stuff and after awhile you, yourself forget what the lie was and somebody will eventually call you out on it. A lot easier to just be truthful then you have nothing to worry about or try to remember! Works for me, but if you don't want to hear the truth don't ask me!!

  • JpOtS
    +5

    Being happy. At my job, my boss talked with me about not looking happy, peppy, or cheerful. At first I said it was due to my natural demeanor (which is true, I am not a bubbly person). A few months later, it came out that I suffer from depression. Happiness can be a struggle at times, but I know it is there!

  • voicesinmyhead (edited 5 years ago)
    +4

    My diet (although mostly lying to myself).

    I do try to aim for a specific target number of calories, fat, carbs, and protein per day and I tend to make a good plan for each meal throughout the day, but some days I'll just grab a burger or slice of pizza even though I know it'll completely mess with this food plan.

    I fully support having a "cheat day" occasionally, just not every 3-4 days. :)

  • OldTallGuy
    +4

    "No Dear, that outfit does not make your butt look big."

  • FivesandSevens
    +2

    My real opinion of some of the bands, authors, movies, or TV shows that my loved ones really care about. It's a pretty transparent arrangement, I'm sure, considering I never say "I think x is so interesting!" about things that I really like. But I know they do the same for me. I consider it an expression of love.

  • spectregris
    +2

    My major is Anthropology, actually it is but my school's department is understaffed and such as mess, I haven't taken a relevant class in a while, it feels like a lie. About to switch to Geology because of it.

  • hitthee (edited 5 years ago)
    +2

    That they didn't break me.

    I still act like my old self but most of the time for me its the emotional equivalent of watching paint dry. I rely on my dog to keep it together.

  • Fooferhill
    +1

    "Hi how are you?" -"fine thanks". Just not a good look to respond with tired, cranky, overworked, exhausted and my leg hurts!