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Vulgar-free insults, anyone?

I feel like formulating some insults to sling about at people that aren't actually vulgar, but are still scathing to hear.

Or extremely silly. Either works.

9 years ago by frohawk with 24 comments

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  • Splitfish
    +12

    My favorite insult when I'm arguing with someone and I know I'm right is "I'd agree with you but then we would both be wrong."

    • frohawk
      +4

      I really like this this.

  • TNY
    +10

    I have neither the time nor the crayons to explain this to you.

    • frohawk
      +4

      I must be tired, because this nearly flew over my head!

  • Sephsta
    +9

    "I'm sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid, I really thought you already knew."

  • spaceghoti
    +8

    You seem to be suffering from delusions of competence.

    I trust that sounded better in your head?

    You are a classic example of the inverse ratio between the size of the mouth and the size of the brain.

    A mind is a terrible thing to waste, but clearly you're too late.

    I've tried to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head up my ass.

    I'd call you a smartass but you're only half qualified.

    No, sorry. Stupidity is not a virtue!

    The short bus called. You forgot your helmet.

    If I toss a stick, will you go away?

    Unless your name is Google, stop talking like you know everything.

    Of course I talk like an idiot. How else could you understand me?

    I'd like to say I'm happy to see you, but I was taught not to lie.

    I'm not insulting you. I'm describing you.

    Let me help you out. Which way did you come in?

    • drunkenninja
      +6

      Great list! Have an upvote.

    • frohawk
      +4

      You clearly are an expert in this field and I defer to your expertise. :o

      • spaceghoti
        +6

        I confess, I have an unfair advantage. I have a wedding coming up where guests will be encouraged to shout insults at the wedding party. It therefore behooved me to do some research.

        • caelreth
          +3

          Cheater! :)

          • spaceghoti
            +3

            If you're not willing to cheat, you're not willing to win.

            • caelreth
              +3

              Thus, I am a loser.

            • spaceghoti
              +5
              @caelreth -

              This lesson you must learn, grasshopper: always run away from a fair fight and only come back when you know you can win.

            • caelreth
              +4
              @spaceghoti -

              Wow. No one has called me grasshopper in a long time. That's usually my line.

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  • ckshenn
    +6

    I like: I would challenge you to a battle of wits, but I notice you are unarmed.

    • frohawk
      +4

      Oho,I like it too!

      And you are the pizza burn on the top of the world's mouth.

  • hxxp
    +4

    Maybe some classic yo momma jokes?

    • frohawk
      +4

      Hmm, maybe? I always thought those to be riding the edge of vuglar in general, though.

      • spacepopper
        +3

        I would agree, those do tend to be more vulgar.

  • flowerpunk
    +3

    I never forget a face, but in your case, I’ll make an exception.

    - Groucho Marx

    He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.

    - Oscar Wilde

    He had just about enough intelligence to open his mouth when he wanted to eat, but certainly no more.

    - P. G. Wodehouse

    These three authors had a seemingly endless wit.