I sort of like confirmation bias when it comes to a partner though. I want a real partner who will have my back on everything and anything. I don't think monogamy is a default universally. It's a choice I make personally to make things less dramatic and complicated. Usually.
The problem with confirmation bias is the "bias" part. The assumption carries certain implications that may or may not be reasonable for your partner. I do not assume my partner will be my exact match in my thoughts, preferences or behavior, and it's unreasonable for me to expect my partner to conform to my expectations. I don't want an idealized image of a partner, I want someone who will be themselves and nevertheless wants to be my partner. The "soul mate" concept carries too many expectations for me to be comfortable with.
Your mileage may vary. What works for me doesn't necessarily work for you. It's about finding what works for us. But while you may choose monogamy because it works for you, society has (once again) an idealized model of what the "correct" relationship looks like and monogamy is a big part of that. Deviating from that ideal tends to cause problems, not because deviations are necessarily wrong but because people treat them as immoral.
Yeah. I do want my partner to want to be themselves and be my partner. That's a great point.
I don't view non-monogamy as amoral or immoral either. I view it as a compatibility issue. I'm not sure what would happen if the two collided and my soulmate was polyamorous!
I really just like the idea of serendipity as a concept, less the reality. I have someone that recently described me as "lovesick" for them. They could not be more wrong. There definitely is someone that I think about and wonder how, even when we are long-distance from each other, we keep living very parallel lives. It's interest.
I sort of like confirmation bias when it comes to a partner though. I want a real partner who will have my back on everything and anything. I don't think monogamy is a default universally. It's a choice I make personally to make things less dramatic and complicated. Usually.
The problem with confirmation bias is the "bias" part. The assumption carries certain implications that may or may not be reasonable for your partner. I do not assume my partner will be my exact match in my thoughts, preferences or behavior, and it's unreasonable for me to expect my partner to conform to my expectations. I don't want an idealized image of a partner, I want someone who will be themselves and nevertheless wants to be my partner. The "soul mate" concept carries too many expectations for me to be comfortable with.
Your mileage may vary. What works for me doesn't necessarily work for you. It's about finding what works for us. But while you may choose monogamy because it works for you, society has (once again) an idealized model of what the "correct" relationship looks like and monogamy is a big part of that. Deviating from that ideal tends to cause problems, not because deviations are necessarily wrong but because people treat them as immoral.
Yeah. I do want my partner to want to be themselves and be my partner. That's a great point.
I don't view non-monogamy as amoral or immoral either. I view it as a compatibility issue. I'm not sure what would happen if the two collided and my soulmate was polyamorous!
I really just like the idea of serendipity as a concept, less the reality. I have someone that recently described me as "lovesick" for them. They could not be more wrong. There definitely is someone that I think about and wonder how, even when we are long-distance from each other, we keep living very parallel lives. It's interest.