Snapzu, do you believe in soul mates? Why/why not?
I believe in having someone that feels "meant to be" but I don't know about soulmates per say.
8 years ago by johnfear
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12 comments
I believe in having someone that feels "meant to be" but I don't know about soulmates per say.
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I don't.
I believe any relationship long enough (romantic or otherwise, like friendship or family) is based on compromise. Some people are easier to make compromises with than others though.
Expecting someone else to meet your every need seems extremely selfish and shortsighted to me.
Only in movies and books does this exist................
I think we are generally compatible with many different people. Timing is probably what effects our relationships and who we end up with more than anything. For example, you may meet someone you find extremely interesting, likable, etc but you are currently married or in a relationship. In another world had you been single at the time of meeting that person, you may have ended up together. Do I think that has something to do with destiny, or something more divine? Not at all. Simple timing.
I agree that a lot has to do with timing. My husband and I were at the same party six months earlier and we never met. He was even talking to another girl.
And I'm suddenly reminded of Tim Minchin's song.
I want to believe! :D
I know it's not the best mindset to have, but being overly optimistic, I can't help but hope that things like true love and soul mates exist. It's not that I believe in destiny or any higher power, it's just that I truly hope that human love isn't only natural programming from millenias of evolution. I want love to be something that stems from human consciousness, and we still have no idea how it works. I believe soul mates exist as something our minds create when we find someone we truly love from our hearts, our consciousness. I have no idea if any of this makes sense to anyone else, but that's what I think! :)
Unfortunately I have found no proof of any of this yet! In fact quite the opposite! But my optimism keeps me wondering and hoping it exists. I'm probably wrong to be honest, but that's okay! :)
This is sort of the boat I am in too. No proof but there's this one girl....
I believe in soul mates but not that there's one person in the world that's perfect for you. Each person may have thousands of soul mates throughout the world and may be lucky enough to meet one of them one day.
I don't believe in destiny that way. There are people I'm attracted to and people I'm compatible with, but the idea that when you find the one person you're "meant to be with" you're really engaging in confirmation bias.
I should probably point out that I have a bias in that I also don't believe monogamy should be a default assumption but a choice.
I sort of like confirmation bias when it comes to a partner though. I want a real partner who will have my back on everything and anything. I don't think monogamy is a default universally. It's a choice I make personally to make things less dramatic and complicated. Usually.
The problem with confirmation bias is the "bias" part. The assumption carries certain implications that may or may not be reasonable for your partner. I do not assume my partner will be my exact match in my thoughts, preferences or behavior, and it's unreasonable for me to expect my partner to conform to my expectations. I don't want an idealized image of a partner, I want someone who will be themselves and nevertheless wants to be my partner. The "soul mate" concept carries too many expectations for me to be comfortable with.
Your mileage may vary. What works for me doesn't necessarily work for you. It's about finding what works for us. But while you may choose monogamy because it works for you, society has (once again) an idealized model of what the "correct" relationship looks like and monogamy is a big part of that. Deviating from that ideal tends to cause problems, not because deviations are necessarily wrong but because people treat them as immoral.
Yeah. I do want my partner to want to be themselves and be my partner. That's a great point.
I don't view non-monogamy as amoral or immoral either. I view it as a compatibility issue. I'm not sure what would happen if the two collided and my soulmate was polyamorous!
I really just like the idea of serendipity as a concept, less the reality. I have someone that recently described me as "lovesick" for them. They could not be more wrong. There definitely is someone that I think about and wonder how, even when we are long-distance from each other, we keep living very parallel lives. It's interest.