My spouse has BPD. She's on some light medications for that, so most of the time it's okay, but yeah, sometimes it's hard - mentally exhausting. I learn tricks along the way on how to help her in my own way. I also bought two books about that, which, when I get to finally read them, will hopefully give me better insight on what she's living inside her head.
I can't say that I regret. We really match on a personal level, and that's greater than what I deal with when she's in a down period.
Congrats on making it work. It also sounds like she's pretty high functioning. It takes an emotionally strong person to be able to handle someone with BPD, and if she's getting treatment for it it makes it a little easier. Good luck. :-)
When she's on a low BPD curve, she's more "über-depressed" than anything else, which is a bit contagious, but I try my best to find ways to cheer her up and keep her mind on other things. If she would be violent (physically or verbally) instead, that would be another story, and it would most likely not work (for me at least).
Narcissistic Personality Disorder. It's like BPD, but without the psychotic temper tantrums. Most people with BPD have both. Both lack the skills to empathize.
No it's not. Psychosis is not amongst the diagnostic criteria for either disorder. Your claim about most people with BPD having NPD is not based in fact. The lack of empathy you describe is not a hallmark of BPD and is not amongst the diagnostic criteria. If you are gonna throw the labels around -doesn't hurt to check some facts first, particularly given the stigma experience by those who have been diagnosed with these disorders and the tendency for the masses to take the pseudo psychology as fact.
Narcissists are not always borderline disordered (they lack psychotic traits), but Borderlines are always narcissistic, as each lacks capacity for empathy. The Male Borderline by Shari Schreiber
Maybe you prefer the term "adult temper tantrum" rather than psychotic event. If I was going to throw a label around, it would be fucking monster. Don't talk to me about BPD stigma unless you've lived with someone who had it. There's hundreds of thousands of people with BPD in the US who are refusing therapy and who deny their illness, while they continue to destroy the lives of their loved ones. It takes years of therapy to get them better and unless you know what you're doing and you're emotionally strong so you can set healthy boundaries and take care of yourself (because they're damn sure not going to take care of you) they're going to drag you into their pit of misery and beat you down physically, emotionally, and/or psychologically until you're a shadow of your former self.
As a sufferer of BPD, I always give people this advice. The hard part is that relationships with BPD sufferers often evolve quickly on an emotional level...being 110% sure of someones mental status before a date is an incredibly good move and a lot of people don't bother looking into things like that.
This. The same thing goes for me because I tend to have codependency issues, so it was very easy for me to go from 0 - head over heels in about a month, possibly less. The higher you are, the more painful the fall. Thank you for your insight.
Yeah, he is. I guess if there was a silver lining to my nightmare is that I've realized my weaknesses and my shortcomings, so I know what to do in order to protect my heart.
I truly hope he gets the therapy he needs. I went through 6 months of hell with him--he goes through it with every loved one in his life.
It's a shame that he hasn't, yet. It takes so long to even notice results and a lot of people give up early on. It took me 15 years for results. You must be an absolute angel to be able to handle someone with BPD for six months. I'm glad you've got some armor from it. It takes the hardest battles to learn the most important things about yourself, doesn't it?
I will never again date a guy unless I'm 110% sure he doesn't have BPD and/or NPD.
Amen
My spouse has BPD. She's on some light medications for that, so most of the time it's okay, but yeah, sometimes it's hard - mentally exhausting. I learn tricks along the way on how to help her in my own way. I also bought two books about that, which, when I get to finally read them, will hopefully give me better insight on what she's living inside her head.
I can't say that I regret. We really match on a personal level, and that's greater than what I deal with when she's in a down period.
Congrats on making it work. It also sounds like she's pretty high functioning. It takes an emotionally strong person to be able to handle someone with BPD, and if she's getting treatment for it it makes it a little easier. Good luck. :-)
Thank you!
When she's on a low BPD curve, she's more "über-depressed" than anything else, which is a bit contagious, but I try my best to find ways to cheer her up and keep her mind on other things. If she would be violent (physically or verbally) instead, that would be another story, and it would most likely not work (for me at least).
I would go with the same, a relationship with a BPD sufferer is intolerable. What is NPD?
Narcissistic Personality Disorder. It's like BPD, but without the psychotic temper tantrums. Most people with BPD have both. Both lack the skills to empathize.
No it's not. Psychosis is not amongst the diagnostic criteria for either disorder. Your claim about most people with BPD having NPD is not based in fact. The lack of empathy you describe is not a hallmark of BPD and is not amongst the diagnostic criteria. If you are gonna throw the labels around -doesn't hurt to check some facts first, particularly given the stigma experience by those who have been diagnosed with these disorders and the tendency for the masses to take the pseudo psychology as fact.
Maybe you prefer the term "adult temper tantrum" rather than psychotic event. If I was going to throw a label around, it would be fucking monster. Don't talk to me about BPD stigma unless you've lived with someone who had it. There's hundreds of thousands of people with BPD in the US who are refusing therapy and who deny their illness, while they continue to destroy the lives of their loved ones. It takes years of therapy to get them better and unless you know what you're doing and you're emotionally strong so you can set healthy boundaries and take care of yourself (because they're damn sure not going to take care of you) they're going to drag you into their pit of misery and beat you down physically, emotionally, and/or psychologically until you're a shadow of your former self.
As a sufferer of BPD, I always give people this advice. The hard part is that relationships with BPD sufferers often evolve quickly on an emotional level...being 110% sure of someones mental status before a date is an incredibly good move and a lot of people don't bother looking into things like that.
This. The same thing goes for me because I tend to have codependency issues, so it was very easy for me to go from 0 - head over heels in about a month, possibly less. The higher you are, the more painful the fall. Thank you for your insight.
Very true. It's unfortunate that you had to deal with such a twisted situation, I hope that the guy is long gone.
Yeah, he is. I guess if there was a silver lining to my nightmare is that I've realized my weaknesses and my shortcomings, so I know what to do in order to protect my heart.
I truly hope he gets the therapy he needs. I went through 6 months of hell with him--he goes through it with every loved one in his life.
It's a shame that he hasn't, yet. It takes so long to even notice results and a lot of people give up early on. It took me 15 years for results. You must be an absolute angel to be able to handle someone with BPD for six months. I'm glad you've got some armor from it. It takes the hardest battles to learn the most important things about yourself, doesn't it?