(Full disclosure, I'm male) - I'm in a long term relationship (5 years). Neither my partner nor I are interested in having children. A couple of reasons are on the list, but I would add that I don't think #2 is broad enough. It's not just the child's mental health I'd be worried about. Both of my parents have (thankfully) survived bouts with cancer. Heart disease runs rampant in both our families. My grandfather died of COPD. Her mother survived it. We both have bad teeth, bad eyes, and bad backs.
The financial worries are there as well. We both have student loans to pay off, but luckily we both have good jobs.
I could name you a laundry list of reasons, many of which are included on the list you've linked but the number 1 reason for both of us is very simple:
Neither of us wants a kid. Lots of our friends seem to misunderstand this, somehow. I'm not against kids, and I love my friends' kids, but that doesn't mean I want one. The lifestyle of 'parent' just isn't one that appeals to either of us.
That's really well put. Also with regards to the worry of passed on medical conditions, comes the amplifier of the fear of financial difficulties.
Like you I also don't hate kids and can enjoy the odd time spent with a family members kid. I just really don't want one myself. The saddest thing I find is that when my family find out I don't want kids they often resort to a bazaar scare tactic of "Your wife will want one." Which comes with a strong implication of you will never find a woman who won't want one so you'll have to choose kids or singleness. Even if that premise were true, why on earth wpuld they try scare someone who doesn't want to be, into parenthood. It can only result in bad parenting.
Speaking from experience, I can tell you that there are women out there who don't think child-bearing is the penultimate purpose of their life! I find it kind of demeaning to assume that all women want to be relegated to baby-rearing, to be honest. Not to speak ill of your family, I'm sure it doesn't come from a place of malice!
I think it's important to be upfront with anyone you're in a serious relationship with about your opinions on this issue (or any issue, really). The secret to any relationship is communication, and as long as you agree on the basics, pretty much anything else can be talked out!
Oh ya, I call them out on it. I know they are coming from a place of worrying about me so I try now give them too hard a time about it.
I also completely agree about the communications part and I know I'll find my SO someday :) plus I would never want someone who really wants a child to give that up because of me so I would hope my partner to feel the same about pressuring me into having one. It's just one of those things that can unfortunately indicate a relationship that needs to go seperate ways.
Edit: I just thought I must point out my amusement I'm feeling at the moment as I have to constantly click Parent to see my own comment which yours is responding to. :D
(Full disclosure, I'm male) - I'm in a long term relationship (5 years). Neither my partner nor I are interested in having children. A couple of reasons are on the list, but I would add that I don't think #2 is broad enough. It's not just the child's mental health I'd be worried about. Both of my parents have (thankfully) survived bouts with cancer. Heart disease runs rampant in both our families. My grandfather died of COPD. Her mother survived it. We both have bad teeth, bad eyes, and bad backs.
The financial worries are there as well. We both have student loans to pay off, but luckily we both have good jobs.
I could name you a laundry list of reasons, many of which are included on the list you've linked but the number 1 reason for both of us is very simple:
Neither of us wants a kid. Lots of our friends seem to misunderstand this, somehow. I'm not against kids, and I love my friends' kids, but that doesn't mean I want one. The lifestyle of 'parent' just isn't one that appeals to either of us.
That's really well put. Also with regards to the worry of passed on medical conditions, comes the amplifier of the fear of financial difficulties.
Like you I also don't hate kids and can enjoy the odd time spent with a family members kid. I just really don't want one myself. The saddest thing I find is that when my family find out I don't want kids they often resort to a bazaar scare tactic of "Your wife will want one." Which comes with a strong implication of you will never find a woman who won't want one so you'll have to choose kids or singleness. Even if that premise were true, why on earth wpuld they try scare someone who doesn't want to be, into parenthood. It can only result in bad parenting.
Speaking from experience, I can tell you that there are women out there who don't think child-bearing is the penultimate purpose of their life! I find it kind of demeaning to assume that all women want to be relegated to baby-rearing, to be honest. Not to speak ill of your family, I'm sure it doesn't come from a place of malice!
I think it's important to be upfront with anyone you're in a serious relationship with about your opinions on this issue (or any issue, really). The secret to any relationship is communication, and as long as you agree on the basics, pretty much anything else can be talked out!
Oh ya, I call them out on it. I know they are coming from a place of worrying about me so I try now give them too hard a time about it.
I also completely agree about the communications part and I know I'll find my SO someday :) plus I would never want someone who really wants a child to give that up because of me so I would hope my partner to feel the same about pressuring me into having one. It's just one of those things that can unfortunately indicate a relationship that needs to go seperate ways.
Edit: I just thought I must point out my amusement I'm feeling at the moment as I have to constantly click Parent to see my own comment which yours is responding to. :D