Hello Everyone,

Crooked tale here to give you a bit of a warning for the Christmas Holidays. Christmas is that wonderful time of year where children, and the children at heart, anxiously await the day a strange man in a uniform comes to drop off presents. Nope, I am not talking about Santa Clause, I am talking the Delivery Man bringing Christmas cheer in the form of the complete knockoff set of "Walking Dead" Funcho Pop figures that you purchased directly from China for your stepson or the "Make America Grate Again" novelty baseball cap you ordered for mom from Preston Cheese Barn's "The finest cheese and crap from Wisconsin" online shop. Let's face it schlepping the local mall or Fleet Farm for 5 hours only to come back with a bottle of perfume, a stuffed bear, and a bad case of heartburn from Sbarro pizza does not put you in a festive mood. It is simpler to just click and purchase a wide selection of items through the internet and have it delivered directly to your door! The only downfall is hoping your packages does not get stolen after the delivery man drops it off. And lets face it, there is no way to predict the drop off time. I tried and the best I can come up with is somewhere between 5 min after you left the house (for any reason) and 2 min after you have dropped your pants and are comfortably sitting on the commode. It is estimated that 10's of thousands of packages are stolen every year, with the most packages being stolen during the Christmas holidays. So be on the lookout for nasty package thieves all through December and try, the best you can, to track your packages. If you have the willpower you can also quit your job and stop going to the bathroom from now until January 3rd and spend your time sitting outside your house with a shotgun and a pound of cheese. STAY VIGILANT!

So how is everybody's Thanksgiving going today? Mine is pretty good. My wife put the Turkey in at 9:00 am so we had a very early thanksgiving dinner. I haven't even had my first glass of wine and my son is still in his PJ's and BAM we are eating! Was good. I am spending the rest of the afternoon trying to find out how to send body armor and masks to the protestors at Standing Rock. They have a Amazon wish list but Amazon will not let me send the items to their area, so I am trying to get a different address. I am not spending my Thanksgiving with my extended family so I asked my wife and son to get into random political/religious discussions with me. My son has also brought my life choices (piracy) into question many times. Still it's not the same as fighting with the parents and siblings :( sadface. So what is everyone else doing today?

So it seems amazon will let me send the protesters socks. Maybe if I by a bazillion of them they can strap them to their shirts and give them some cushioning.

Just got back from watching one of the most anticipated movies of the year! "Harry Potter and Suitcase Animals" or some such thing. Not really sure how it fits into the Harryverse because I only half watched the movies and read the first and third book. So I thought I would give you a quick review. Spoiler alert: If you don't know Johnny Deep is in this movie than stop reading............ now.

So this is J.K.'s 11th installment (Maybe) of the Harry Potter trilogy turned into a movie for our amusement. And I must congratulate her on making this movie one of her best. The plot revolves around an English man, who I think may be that red haired kids father from the first book, who smuggles in a suitcase full of wonderfully strange animals. That not being bad enough these animals get loose and a bunch of wackiness ensues all over New York city. See the red headed kids father brings the suitcase on a bank job to steal some money from a bank but then ends up losing the suitcase to a non magic person who I think is Harry's father from book two (never read it so I am guessing here) and he opens it up to cook the beasts because he is poor and living off canned green beans. But before that the red haired kids mom attacks and arrests the English guy for having the suitcase and brings him in to see the voodoo hoodoo princes who runs all things magical in New York and some guy you know is evil is there also. But the voodoo princes doesn't want anything to do with it so they all escape to red haired kids moms apartment where Harry's dad meets Harry's mom. Harry's mom loves cooking also so they kinda look like they are going to hook up at some point. Then the red haired kids dad and Harry's dad go out and capture a hippo. While all this is happening the the evil guy, who is a foot soldier to the voodoo princess (they never really explain his post), is trying to capture some satanic kid running amok in the city so he can use her to... control the stock exchange maybe. Not sure. But there is so many adventures going on in this movie, it doesn't really matter because it's all entertaining. I am not going to give to much away but in the end they all learn a very important lesson about life and living. Also in the end Johnny Depp shows up so you know there will be another movie because you can't just have Johnny Depp show up and not have another movie. That would be cruel.

All in all I would say it was a decent movie with a lot of action and cinematics on the screen. I didn't see it in 3D because sometimes if to much is going on in the adventure scenes I throw up and then have to get more popcorn, but it was decent in 2d. I also thought it was in the smell-a-vision thing they are trying to push on the masses because I distinctly thought I smelled the New York subway urine smell. But it was just a homeless man who had snuck in the back to get warm and to look under the seats for ju ju bees or DOTs maybe. I didn't read the other 20 Harry Potter books so I kind of got lost on some points, but the movie was still good for someone who may have less knowledge than me because its the kind of plot that you can just skip and focus on the dragons and griffins flying all over the screen like pretty shinny things. I give it 4/5 sabers and suggest everyone see it if you want to or if you like a Harry Potter movie about his parents. Any way I hope that helps anyone who may or may not want to see it.