2) Up by 9AM on weekends to clean the house (aka the left over bottles and food they left throughout the house after a night of heavy drinking)
3) No playing outside, video games, or TV until the house is clean and all homework is done
4) No going inside your friends house, ever.
5) No friends allowed inside your house, ever.
6) Sleepovers are completely out of the question (see rule 4)
7) No eating between meals
8) Leaving the house after 8PM was always met with heavy scrutiny (see rule 1)
9) No asking for money for anything, ever. (This included anything school-related)
10) No talking on the phone for longer than 15 minutes.
...I could keep going, but now I'm just getting upset.
These rules make my parents sound like a lower-income family. But we were actually very well off, they were just EXTREMELY insecure and controlling. I moved out when I was 18. Growing up in that house was really difficult.
**Edit: After re-reading this post and answering a few questions, I think one of the absolute most worst rules was no being alone on Sundays. It was strictly enforced "family time". This meant, no going out, no staying in your room, no reading, no watching tv, absolutely nothing. We had to sit with my parents all afternoon, and eat dinner with them, then sit with them until bed time. This was every single Sunday, for 18 years. It was by far the strangest, and made "family time" something my siblings and I always dreaded rather than something we did out of enjoyment (which is what it should be). I remember purposely taking long shifts at work on Sundays just to avoid as much of it as I could.
Also, one or two of these rules wouldn't have been so bad. But just the sheer volume of them was overwhelming. Growing up, none of us knew "not in trouble". I remember being a kid and asking my mom why on TV the kids aren't in trouble, and she simply said "because it's TV", and feeling incredibly jealous of them.
I definitely would have preferred boarding school. All of these rules lasted up until the day I moved out (I know, they sound like somewhat reasonable rules for maybe an 8 year old, but imagine being 17 and trying to explain to your friends why you can't come to any parties). Also, my parents drinking habits made the whole experience that much more stressful.
My home was very much lacking support, but I think it also might be why me and my brothers are so close.
If you don't mind me asking, were there also rules that you (maybe years later) thought were good rules in your opinion? Just curious, being a young parent myself.
It's hard to think back that far now. I'm sure there were, but there were just SO many rules, I was basically not allowed to do anything so it's hard to say what was good and what wasn't. I can say that from the strictness, it worked very much against them.
Me and both my siblings went through difficult periods with drugs and making friends. Because we were never really allowed to have friends outside of school growing up (it's hard to make friends when you can't go to anyone's house or invite anyone over, and being in trouble for everything all the time does awful things to your confidence), we didn't really learn social skills at the same speed as our peers. By the time high school came around, we were very easily pressured in to many things. Now we're adults, and we've all had very difficult experiences keeping long term relationships, maintaining jobs, none of us finished college, making and working towards goals, and overall just trusting others.
I guess the best advice I can give is don't go nuts with rules. Your kids need space to grow and develop. I think the best thing that came out of that environment for myself anyway, is that now I'm very strict with myself. If I decide I'm going to do something, I do it. When I wake up on Saturday morning, I have no problem instantly just cleaning for 2 hours before having a shower then spending the day doing errands. I am extremely responsible, to the point of feeling heavy guilt if I don't do what I'm "supposed" to do.
Thanks for taking the time to answer my question. It's pretty difficult to determine what and how many rules to maintain while you're right in the situation of raising a kid. Lots of it is just plain improvising. But you're absolutely right that space to grow and develop are very important, and too many rules will definitely not help there. Thanks for sharing.
The world is a rough place for a young impressionable kid. Maybe they just wanted to make sure you were safe and grew up with good values so they could tell God they did their job as a parent. Yes they probably went a little overboard with a lot of those rules.
I learned indirectly that I wasn't allowed to date until I was 16. My parents didn't bother to mention this to me, I had to overhear my mother mentioning it over the phone to someone else.
We also weren't allowed to have cable television (in spite of everyone else including my father wanting it) because paying for it would also pay for channels that we didn't approve of.
I learned indirectly that I wasn't allowed to date until I was 16.
I wonder if all parents do this. I didn't learn I wasn't allowed to date until I was 16 by the time I was 16. I mean I hadn't yet (except for that one time I was 4), but it would've been nice to know beforehand. I swear, it's like some rules are trip wires they want you to break.
IDK, the worst rules are the rules they don't tell you about until you break them, and they don't correlate to common sense (so it's not like you can guess them).
Like. whaddaya mean I can't eat dinner unless I help make it??? You phrased it like I had a choice about helping you cook without negative consequences!
I wasn't allowed to say no when my little sister wanted to play something with me or my friends. This led to an extremely resentful relationship between us and we basically couldn't even be civil to each other for the past 20 years.
Shit I totally misread this post, but I'm going to stick with my answer anyway.
"The Free Parking Rule" in Monopoly. Luckily we played lots of other games aside from that, and it was definitely not a favorite of anyone.
For a more realistic answer, my parents tried to limit my internet/computer time. But since I was actively taking classes in Computer Science, it was pretty easy to convince them I was "doing work" even if I was playing MUDs or otherwise.
MUDs were almost the perfect stealth game. Whenever I had downtime at work I'd log into a MUD and start programming something, and people who came to my desk thought I was doing something official. All they'd see was lines of code and assume it was legitimate.
My parents were very strict with our summer reading and made my sisters and I read every book on a list where we were to choose 1. Stupid at the time but really grateful for this particular rule now.
Only TV we were allowed to watch was Saturday/Sunday morning cartoons and whatever sports dad was watching. God I hated that rule. Now I really appreciate not watching much TV.
- No television.
- Church on Sunday and whenever else deemed necessary.
- No Harry Potter (books at the time).
- A curfew of dark -- always.
- We had to spend every halloween at home with the lights off so no one would stop by.
- No computer with internet until I was about 16.
- Not even a consideration of getting a license until I was 18.
I'm sure there were more. Growing up fundie was less than ideal ]:
Join the Discussion
Omg, so many:
1) A curfew of 10PM, even on weekends.
2) Up by 9AM on weekends to clean the house (aka the left over bottles and food they left throughout the house after a night of heavy drinking)
3) No playing outside, video games, or TV until the house is clean and all homework is done
4) No going inside your friends house, ever.
5) No friends allowed inside your house, ever.
6) Sleepovers are completely out of the question (see rule 4)
7) No eating between meals
8) Leaving the house after 8PM was always met with heavy scrutiny (see rule 1)
9) No asking for money for anything, ever. (This included anything school-related)
10) No talking on the phone for longer than 15 minutes.
...I could keep going, but now I'm just getting upset.
These rules make my parents sound like a lower-income family. But we were actually very well off, they were just EXTREMELY insecure and controlling. I moved out when I was 18. Growing up in that house was really difficult.
**Edit: After re-reading this post and answering a few questions, I think one of the absolute most worst rules was no being alone on Sundays. It was strictly enforced "family time". This meant, no going out, no staying in your room, no reading, no watching tv, absolutely nothing. We had to sit with my parents all afternoon, and eat dinner with them, then sit with them until bed time. This was every single Sunday, for 18 years. It was by far the strangest, and made "family time" something my siblings and I always dreaded rather than something we did out of enjoyment (which is what it should be). I remember purposely taking long shifts at work on Sundays just to avoid as much of it as I could.
Also, one or two of these rules wouldn't have been so bad. But just the sheer volume of them was overwhelming. Growing up, none of us knew "not in trouble". I remember being a kid and asking my mom why on TV the kids aren't in trouble, and she simply said "because it's TV", and feeling incredibly jealous of them.
They should have put you in boarding school. I personally found it very freeing, even though everyone tells me it was super strict.
Snacks everywhere, and during breaks, sleepovers with the friends who stayed! Also movies night (both "allowed" movies and not).
Honestly, it was strict, but if you worked the rules, you could really bond with people, which looks like your home was lacking?
I definitely would have preferred boarding school. All of these rules lasted up until the day I moved out (I know, they sound like somewhat reasonable rules for maybe an 8 year old, but imagine being 17 and trying to explain to your friends why you can't come to any parties). Also, my parents drinking habits made the whole experience that much more stressful.
My home was very much lacking support, but I think it also might be why me and my brothers are so close.
If you don't mind me asking, were there also rules that you (maybe years later) thought were good rules in your opinion? Just curious, being a young parent myself.
It's hard to think back that far now. I'm sure there were, but there were just SO many rules, I was basically not allowed to do anything so it's hard to say what was good and what wasn't. I can say that from the strictness, it worked very much against them.
Me and both my siblings went through difficult periods with drugs and making friends. Because we were never really allowed to have friends outside of school growing up (it's hard to make friends when you can't go to anyone's house or invite anyone over, and being in trouble for everything all the time does awful things to your confidence), we didn't really learn social skills at the same speed as our peers. By the time high school came around, we were very easily pressured in to many things. Now we're adults, and we've all had very difficult experiences keeping long term relationships, maintaining jobs, none of us finished college, making and working towards goals, and overall just trusting others.
I guess the best advice I can give is don't go nuts with rules. Your kids need space to grow and develop. I think the best thing that came out of that environment for myself anyway, is that now I'm very strict with myself. If I decide I'm going to do something, I do it. When I wake up on Saturday morning, I have no problem instantly just cleaning for 2 hours before having a shower then spending the day doing errands. I am extremely responsible, to the point of feeling heavy guilt if I don't do what I'm "supposed" to do.
Thanks for taking the time to answer my question. It's pretty difficult to determine what and how many rules to maintain while you're right in the situation of raising a kid. Lots of it is just plain improvising. But you're absolutely right that space to grow and develop are very important, and too many rules will definitely not help there. Thanks for sharing.
The world is a rough place for a young impressionable kid. Maybe they just wanted to make sure you were safe and grew up with good values so they could tell God they did their job as a parent. Yes they probably went a little overboard with a lot of those rules.
The one that bugged me the most was the 1 hour of internet time per day rule. I couldn't even play a descent starcraft game!
I learned indirectly that I wasn't allowed to date until I was 16. My parents didn't bother to mention this to me, I had to overhear my mother mentioning it over the phone to someone else.
We also weren't allowed to have cable television (in spite of everyone else including my father wanting it) because paying for it would also pay for channels that we didn't approve of.
I wonder if all parents do this. I didn't learn I wasn't allowed to date until I was 16 by the time I was 16. I mean I hadn't yet (except for that one time I was 4), but it would've been nice to know beforehand. I swear, it's like some rules are trip wires they want you to break.
"No shorts unless it's over 70 or higher"
I can understand not letting us go to school when in shorts when it's 45 and below, but 70?
I thought that said shots... and I'm like whoa your parents are hardcore.
i had to be outside by 10 on Saturday mornings. there were still 2 more hours of cartoons to watch back then!!!
Haha, it was outside to play or help clean the house.
Me too. After these messages we'll be right back.
Now that I have a 1 year old, a lot of those rules are making more sense. I withhold my judgement until my kid's 18.
IDK, the worst rules are the rules they don't tell you about until you break them, and they don't correlate to common sense (so it's not like you can guess them).
Like. whaddaya mean I can't eat dinner unless I help make it??? You phrased it like I had a choice about helping you cook without negative consequences!
I observed my friend's two year old and I finally understood the message of "Sit still while we eat". So much squirming, so little eating.
I wasn't allowed to say no when my little sister wanted to play something with me or my friends. This led to an extremely resentful relationship between us and we basically couldn't even be civil to each other for the past 20 years.
Shit I totally misread this post, but I'm going to stick with my answer anyway.
"The Free Parking Rule" in Monopoly. Luckily we played lots of other games aside from that, and it was definitely not a favorite of anyone.
For a more realistic answer, my parents tried to limit my internet/computer time. But since I was actively taking classes in Computer Science, it was pretty easy to convince them I was "doing work" even if I was playing MUDs or otherwise.
MUDs were almost the perfect stealth game. Whenever I had downtime at work I'd log into a MUD and start programming something, and people who came to my desk thought I was doing something official. All they'd see was lines of code and assume it was legitimate.
What's the free parking rule?
In Monopoly, taxes and stuff are left under the Free Parking corner of the board, and whoever lands there, gets whatever money is under that corner.
This is a house rule, not an actual Monopoly rule, and it makes everything take longer because it keeps money in circulation.
My parents were very strict with our summer reading and made my sisters and I read every book on a list where we were to choose 1. Stupid at the time but really grateful for this particular rule now.
Only TV we were allowed to watch was Saturday/Sunday morning cartoons and whatever sports dad was watching. God I hated that rule. Now I really appreciate not watching much TV.
- No television.
- Church on Sunday and whenever else deemed necessary.
- No Harry Potter (books at the time).
- A curfew of dark -- always.
- We had to spend every halloween at home with the lights off so no one would stop by.
- No computer with internet until I was about 16.
- Not even a consideration of getting a license until I was 18.
I'm sure there were more. Growing up fundie was less than ideal ]:
Silence during eating which was done whilst watching TV news. Why we had to eat whilst contemplating the days murders I don't know.