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  • SuperCyan
    +6

    Happiness.

    When I was about 10 or so, I got hit with a bad depression. Nothing really traumatic or anything happened, but I realized that I wasn't really happy with life anymore. I started seeing the bad side in everything. My grades dropped fast. I found myself alone a lot more. I stopped caring about things. I got to a point where I was either sad, or angry at myself for being sad. I remember having a suicide plan in like 4th grade, down to the date.

    Since then, things have gotten a bit better. I didn't get better, but I learned to cope with always feeling empty. My hatred and anger turned into apathy. My huge swings down have started to kinda get smaller. I think what I have now is considered more bipolar disorder than major depression (I'll have little hits of mania, where I'm almost kinda glad to be alive), but I've kinda managed. It's destroyed a lot for me, but I've stopped caring.

    I wish I could go back to those days were I was actually happy. Sure, I didn't have any real friends, and I got messed with a lot, but I remembered just being a lot more upbeat. It was the time before the sadness and bruising took over, and I could actually see the world in a positive light, rather than however I see it now.