I feel like it's natural to be somewhat judgmental; being able to not judge is learned by gaining perspective and understanding. Meaning, I think you have to be aware of the potential situations a person might be in that explain the behavior or the appearance of the person that is making you judge them. To an extent, even being aware of potential disadvantages people may have might not be enough.. it has to be followed by a level of compassion. Compassion is more difficult to learn.
I think I used to be much more judgmental in my teens, but throughout my late teens to now I started learning more about other people and other walks of life and just overall tried to be more understanding. Sometimes my innate feeling about certain things is still a negative one, but I try to step back and think rationally for a second in order to be less judgmental.
Sometimes my innate feeling about certain things is still a negative one, but I try to step back and think rationally for a second in order to be less judgmental.
I do this too. I deliberately practice being non-judgemental and compassionate. I used to get angry or upset at the smallest things, like people cutting me off when driving. I started to stop my trail of thought when I realized I was yelling obscenities at the other drivers, and instead tried to think of the reasons why they might have had to cut me off. So instead of thinking that everybody else is a dick and does stuff just to spite me, I've learned to be compassionate.
But I have to admit that I do judge people based on their looks. It's really awful, because it has a negative effect on how I interact with some people. I never give myself a chance to like some people, just because they look certain way. I automatically assume it affects their character and think negatively of them. Then if I for some reason have to interact with them, for example working with them, I usually learn that they are nothing like I thought. I hope to some day learn to stop thinking like this.
I think the answer to this, along with a lot of answers to human social interaction, is to experience and see more people. I have traveled and lived abroad for the last 10 years, meeting so many different people from different cultures.
I began to see a pattern after meeting enough people, where I would meet someone knew, and my first thought where that they where half my friend from college, and the other half my crazy French friend.
I started becoming non-judgmental after I had meet many, many people, becoming secure enough with myself that I do not feel threatened by a new person judging me, and I think that my degree in psychology helped grease the process.
The biggest quote from one of my professors to help both with judging and dealing with others good/bad/indifferent/angry attitudes of the day
"Whenever you think someone doesn't like you, is judging you, or is even outright belittling you, the thing that you always need to be cognizant of is that they will the majority of the time be projecting their internal state. If they are telling you that they think you suck, most likely they in fact think deep down inside that they suck."
Humans are inherently self centered. We default to thinking we cause all the emotional reactions from people. If you can let go of this innate tendency, and assume that all interactions are a result of their internal state, you will find that you are in a world of people dealing with internal chaos, and that you free yourself from it.
Judging people, I think, is assigning a label to them, when in reality we are all a mix of reasons and causations. That being said, I do have a hard time with some things:
being a bad parent, not taking care of yourself, and always complaining about how hard life is.'
I began to see a pattern after meeting enough people, where I would meet someone knew, and my first thought where that they where half my friend from college, and the other half my crazy French friend.
Did you figure out a reason for why did everyone remind you of those two people? That sounds very peculiar. Was there something particularly special about them?
"Whenever you think someone doesn't like you, is judging you, or is even outright belittling you, the thing that you always need to be cognizant of is that they will the majority of the time be projecting their internal state. If they are telling you that they think you suck, most likely they in fact think deep down inside that they suck."
This is very much true. Often the things I judge people for are the things I judge in myself.
Something other that I've realized is that rather than giving people the benefit of doubt, I assume they are just being a dick because I'm afraid of being wrong and embrrasing myself for thinking that they might have been a nice person. I think this is very, very weird way to think. Again it all boils down to being comfortable with yourself, as you said. Being comfortable with being judged.
What I meant is that you start to see patterns of personalities. Like each new person could be categorized as similar to someone that you had met before.
The fact that you make a conscious effort to be less judgmental and more understanding is a big one. Doing this took me awhile too and I'm still working on it.
I feel like it's natural to be somewhat judgmental; being able to not judge is learned by gaining perspective and understanding. Meaning, I think you have to be aware of the potential situations a person might be in that explain the behavior or the appearance of the person that is making you judge them. To an extent, even being aware of potential disadvantages people may have might not be enough.. it has to be followed by a level of compassion. Compassion is more difficult to learn.
I think I used to be much more judgmental in my teens, but throughout my late teens to now I started learning more about other people and other walks of life and just overall tried to be more understanding. Sometimes my innate feeling about certain things is still a negative one, but I try to step back and think rationally for a second in order to be less judgmental.
Edit: This conversation has reminded me of a scene from Pocahontas: http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m8f7hp0c3G1qi5jk5o1_500.gif
I do this too. I deliberately practice being non-judgemental and compassionate. I used to get angry or upset at the smallest things, like people cutting me off when driving. I started to stop my trail of thought when I realized I was yelling obscenities at the other drivers, and instead tried to think of the reasons why they might have had to cut me off. So instead of thinking that everybody else is a dick and does stuff just to spite me, I've learned to be compassionate.
But I have to admit that I do judge people based on their looks. It's really awful, because it has a negative effect on how I interact with some people. I never give myself a chance to like some people, just because they look certain way. I automatically assume it affects their character and think negatively of them. Then if I for some reason have to interact with them, for example working with them, I usually learn that they are nothing like I thought. I hope to some day learn to stop thinking like this.
I think the answer to this, along with a lot of answers to human social interaction, is to experience and see more people. I have traveled and lived abroad for the last 10 years, meeting so many different people from different cultures.
I began to see a pattern after meeting enough people, where I would meet someone knew, and my first thought where that they where half my friend from college, and the other half my crazy French friend.
I started becoming non-judgmental after I had meet many, many people, becoming secure enough with myself that I do not feel threatened by a new person judging me, and I think that my degree in psychology helped grease the process.
The biggest quote from one of my professors to help both with judging and dealing with others good/bad/indifferent/angry attitudes of the day
"Whenever you think someone doesn't like you, is judging you, or is even outright belittling you, the thing that you always need to be cognizant of is that they will the majority of the time be projecting their internal state. If they are telling you that they think you suck, most likely they in fact think deep down inside that they suck."
Humans are inherently self centered. We default to thinking we cause all the emotional reactions from people. If you can let go of this innate tendency, and assume that all interactions are a result of their internal state, you will find that you are in a world of people dealing with internal chaos, and that you free yourself from it.
Judging people, I think, is assigning a label to them, when in reality we are all a mix of reasons and causations. That being said, I do have a hard time with some things:
being a bad parent, not taking care of yourself, and always complaining about how hard life is.'
Did you figure out a reason for why did everyone remind you of those two people? That sounds very peculiar. Was there something particularly special about them?
This is very much true. Often the things I judge people for are the things I judge in myself.
Something other that I've realized is that rather than giving people the benefit of doubt, I assume they are just being a dick because I'm afraid of being wrong and embrrasing myself for thinking that they might have been a nice person. I think this is very, very weird way to think. Again it all boils down to being comfortable with yourself, as you said. Being comfortable with being judged.
What I meant is that you start to see patterns of personalities. Like each new person could be categorized as similar to someone that you had met before.
The fact that you make a conscious effort to be less judgmental and more understanding is a big one. Doing this took me awhile too and I'm still working on it.