If disabled veterans were a protected class, I guess I could smugly say you committed a microagression and a hate crime because of my special status, claim a victim point, and blame you for my bad behavior.
I blame society instead.
Bullies bully because they were bullied. Or so I'm told.
I was a fat kid growing up, a long time ago, before childhood obesity was cool, and practically the norm, People called me fat. My dear departed grandmother who raised me called me fat. It didn't bother me, because, well... I was fat. And hearing things that were objectively true didn't seem harmful.
It's only recently that I realized it caused deep emotional damage because I was bullied and fat-shamed.
If I ever commit a micro-aggression against you without caring enough to at least spit in your good eye, promise me you’ll bring me down a peg. You know I would do it for you if and when time were to come.
I think it’s important we not lose sight of what’s most important here, the assignation of blame. Society, sez you, bullies the bullied into the bully-to-be. There you go, again, blaming society for what’s actually lacking, any personal responsibility. So like a liberal. Me, I think it’s just more of those whining complainers, looking for special rights not to be offended in their safe spaces. That’s right, I’m looking at you, disabled veterans.
I didn’t know you were fat. You’ll not be surprised to hear that I, too, was at times the target of bullies. Different excuses for bullying, though. It’s one thing to be a target, something else to be a victim and a witness. I wish I’d been better to the other victims of bullies, rallied us together as witnesses, and dealt with matters more artfully and completely. The way one does with stalkers.
What's now called bullying used to be part of growing up. Fat kids were called fat, and unless they showed athleticism, were picked last for dodge ball. (back when schools had phys ed, we threw soccer balls at each other. On purpose. For fun).. Short kids were picked last for basketball. Kids with glasses were called 4-eyes. Smart kids were called Einstein, dumb ones were called retard, as was anyone who did something dumb.
If someone was actually beating up kids and/ or stealing their lunch money, three, or four, or six kids, if necessary, jumped him at recess, or before or after school and taught him a lesson that there were limits. If those paladins happened to get caught, an explanation was sufficient to get detention, and the bully was the one who was suspended or expelled.
I think not being raised wrapped in cotton made kids realize that the world in general doesn't care about you as an individual. And the only people who's words should be able to actually hurt are the ones you care about. Everything else is just noise.
Maybe if social media had been around in the 60s, my generation would be just as bad. Fat kid posts a nice picture and some random person on the other side of the world notes that he is in fact rather rotund, maybe he shoots up his school, or need years of medication and therapy. Any maybe everyone becomes hypersensitive 40 years earlier.
I'm glad I didn't grow up in that world and feel sorry for the ones who have to.
What’s now called bullying used to be part of growing up.
Sadly, I am impossibly old, so I remember what you are now calling ‘part of growing up’ to be bullying. It was always bullying, always will be. Whether one would get to grow up, or not, being somewhat orthogonal to the problem of facing bullies in the moment. From the Norman Rockwell tone, I’m guessing there were not a ton of stabbing homicides growing up?
the only people who’s words should be able to actually hurt are the ones you care about
By “the ones you care about,” is that to mean more the words, more the people, measures of both?
Everything else is just noise.
Well, hypothetically in a world in which someone was being an ass, and it was up to you to call them down for it, then I suppose it would be strange if you were to get too flummoxed by the fact they had an ethnicity or identity of some kind. I mean, it’s all a hypothetical in which someone for some reason needs to be reminded of their place and just because in these fantasies they happen to all be trans women of color, that’s supposed to all be on you somehow? I’m no expert, but maybe try to elaborate and expand on this fantasy life. Make it richer, more complex, even wholesome. Check your assumptions, break a few, invent a few new ones now and again. Change it up again as necessary.
Maybe if social media had been around in the 60s, my generation would be just as bad
"Bad" meaning hypersensitive to slights however real or imagined, or brutally murdered by being dragged by a car for who they were? Because it’s not clear from context which.
I’m glad I didn’t grow up in that world and feel sorry for the ones who have to.
Face one’s bullies now or in the mirror later, one may choose.
I firmly believe that social media is the largest culprit here, although the modern internet in general to be more accurate. It dramatically changed how people interact with people, regardless of distance. Before this shift people interacted with much fewer people because they had much fewer means of reliably communicating with them. Relationships were much more personal because it required physical proximity. This also meant that you had to be more careful in what you say to others because you had fewer bridges to burn.
With the modern internet one can create countless bridges with people they never would have interacted with had the technology not existed. Thus the loss of an individual relationship is not so impacting. With the rise of the Keyboard Warrior where the person can hide behind some anonymous or pseudo-anonymous identity they have become more brazen in how they interact with others. This naturally extends to other means of interactions, including public transit.
From the Norman Rockwell tone, I’m guessing there were not a ton of stabbing homicides growing up?
My father was navy, so we moved pretty often. I had some Norman Rockwell periods in small town USA with grandparents at times, but I lived in urban areas as well, San Diego, San Francisco, Chicago and DC. Moved another 9 times in 24 years for the Air Force, so I've seen a few places
I saw my father's drug dealer get shot in the head when I was eight (San Diego). I saw three men repeatedly beat a man with bats and crowbars when I was 11 (Chicago). My father's lifestyle meant that violence was never far away, but random street violence was never a worry. It was far more personal.
By “the ones you care about,” is that to mean more the words, more the people, measures of both?
Both. Random praise from a stranger is as personally meaningless as random criticism.
"Bad" meaning hypersensitive to slights however real or imagined, or brutally murdered by being dragged by a car for who they were? Because it’s not clear from context which.
Hypersensitive. I am in no way belittling any sort of actual violence toward anyone, for any reason. My words, even if they bring offense or you disagree with them, being called "violence" is likely to cause me to point and laugh.
Face one’s bullies now or in the mirror later, one may choose.
Being a fat kid, and of small stature led to a few scrapes. I had a cousin that was a few months older and a whole lot bigger. I couldn't take him in a straight up fight, so I learned early that when it was time to go, go quick and dirty. It stood me in good stead for the next 30 years.
I'm old and broken now, but if it comes to it, I have one fight left in me if I need it.
Random praise from a stranger is as personally meaningless as random criticism.
Depends on what they're saying, right?
I am in no way belittling any sort of actual violence toward anyone, for any reason.
Can't go along with this nonsense. Don't be shy about it. That's exactly what you're doing. In the exact terms you're doing it. You've reduced hate crime like the murder of Matthew Sheperd to how unfair it is being held to account for expressing your 'patriotism' on the train ride home. Don't back away from that now.
My words, even if they bring offense or you disagree with them, being called "violence" is likely to cause me to point and laugh.
Nobody said you'd committed violence. Does that disappoint you?
when it was time to go, go quick and dirty
Quick doesn't have to mean dirty.
I have one fight left in me
And you're going to make that decision based on a serious misunderstanding of what hate crime is. Got it.
Not at all. Random praise make me think you want something. I have a pretty good handle on my vices and virtues, so random criticism is just noise and isn't going to hurt my fee fees.
Can't go along with this nonsense. Don't be shy about it. That's exactly what you're doing. In the exact terms you're doing it. You've reduced hate crime like the murder of Matthew Sheperd to how unfair it is being held to account for expressing your 'patriotism' on the train ride home. Don't back away from that now.
I'm not being clear. Or are you being obtuse?
Nobody said you'd committed violence. Does that disappoint you?
Actually, the special kid who accused me of a microagression did. He actually reported me to some stupid student council for my two word reply, and I had to appear to "justify my actions". That was actually kind of fun, I read them the text of the first amendment.
Quick doesn't have to mean dirty.
It does when your opponent is 9 inches taller, has about a foot of reach, outweighs you by 40 pounds and has intent to harm. The quicker you finish, the fewer licks you're gonna take.
And you're going to make that decision based on a serious misunderstanding of what hate crime is. Got it.
Hardly, it would be more of a forlorn hope. In self defense or defense of a loved one.
Ouch. Am I the ass?
If disabled veterans were a protected class, I guess I could smugly say you committed a microagression and a hate crime because of my special status, claim a victim point, and blame you for my bad behavior.
I blame society instead.
Bullies bully because they were bullied. Or so I'm told.
I was a fat kid growing up, a long time ago, before childhood obesity was cool, and practically the norm, People called me fat. My dear departed grandmother who raised me called me fat. It didn't bother me, because, well... I was fat. And hearing things that were objectively true didn't seem harmful.
It's only recently that I realized it caused deep emotional damage because I was bullied and fat-shamed.
If I ever commit a micro-aggression against you without caring enough to at least spit in your good eye, promise me you’ll bring me down a peg. You know I would do it for you if and when time were to come.
I think it’s important we not lose sight of what’s most important here, the assignation of blame. Society, sez you, bullies the bullied into the bully-to-be. There you go, again, blaming society for what’s actually lacking, any personal responsibility. So like a liberal. Me, I think it’s just more of those whining complainers, looking for special rights not to be offended in their safe spaces. That’s right, I’m looking at you, disabled veterans.
I didn’t know you were fat. You’ll not be surprised to hear that I, too, was at times the target of bullies. Different excuses for bullying, though. It’s one thing to be a target, something else to be a victim and a witness. I wish I’d been better to the other victims of bullies, rallied us together as witnesses, and dealt with matters more artfully and completely. The way one does with stalkers.
What's now called bullying used to be part of growing up. Fat kids were called fat, and unless they showed athleticism, were picked last for dodge ball. (back when schools had phys ed, we threw soccer balls at each other. On purpose. For fun).. Short kids were picked last for basketball. Kids with glasses were called 4-eyes. Smart kids were called Einstein, dumb ones were called retard, as was anyone who did something dumb.
If someone was actually beating up kids and/ or stealing their lunch money, three, or four, or six kids, if necessary, jumped him at recess, or before or after school and taught him a lesson that there were limits. If those paladins happened to get caught, an explanation was sufficient to get detention, and the bully was the one who was suspended or expelled.
I think not being raised wrapped in cotton made kids realize that the world in general doesn't care about you as an individual. And the only people who's words should be able to actually hurt are the ones you care about. Everything else is just noise.
Maybe if social media had been around in the 60s, my generation would be just as bad. Fat kid posts a nice picture and some random person on the other side of the world notes that he is in fact rather rotund, maybe he shoots up his school, or need years of medication and therapy. Any maybe everyone becomes hypersensitive 40 years earlier.
I'm glad I didn't grow up in that world and feel sorry for the ones who have to.
Sadly, I am impossibly old, so I remember what you are now calling ‘part of growing up’ to be bullying. It was always bullying, always will be. Whether one would get to grow up, or not, being somewhat orthogonal to the problem of facing bullies in the moment. From the Norman Rockwell tone, I’m guessing there were not a ton of stabbing homicides growing up?
By “the ones you care about,” is that to mean more the words, more the people, measures of both?
Well, hypothetically in a world in which someone was being an ass, and it was up to you to call them down for it, then I suppose it would be strange if you were to get too flummoxed by the fact they had an ethnicity or identity of some kind. I mean, it’s all a hypothetical in which someone for some reason needs to be reminded of their place and just because in these fantasies they happen to all be trans women of color, that’s supposed to all be on you somehow? I’m no expert, but maybe try to elaborate and expand on this fantasy life. Make it richer, more complex, even wholesome. Check your assumptions, break a few, invent a few new ones now and again. Change it up again as necessary.
"Bad" meaning hypersensitive to slights however real or imagined, or brutally murdered by being dragged by a car for who they were? Because it’s not clear from context which.
Face one’s bullies now or in the mirror later, one may choose.
I firmly believe that social media is the largest culprit here, although the modern internet in general to be more accurate. It dramatically changed how people interact with people, regardless of distance. Before this shift people interacted with much fewer people because they had much fewer means of reliably communicating with them. Relationships were much more personal because it required physical proximity. This also meant that you had to be more careful in what you say to others because you had fewer bridges to burn.
With the modern internet one can create countless bridges with people they never would have interacted with had the technology not existed. Thus the loss of an individual relationship is not so impacting. With the rise of the Keyboard Warrior where the person can hide behind some anonymous or pseudo-anonymous identity they have become more brazen in how they interact with others. This naturally extends to other means of interactions, including public transit.
My father was navy, so we moved pretty often. I had some Norman Rockwell periods in small town USA with grandparents at times, but I lived in urban areas as well, San Diego, San Francisco, Chicago and DC. Moved another 9 times in 24 years for the Air Force, so I've seen a few places
I saw my father's drug dealer get shot in the head when I was eight (San Diego). I saw three men repeatedly beat a man with bats and crowbars when I was 11 (Chicago). My father's lifestyle meant that violence was never far away, but random street violence was never a worry. It was far more personal.
Both. Random praise from a stranger is as personally meaningless as random criticism.
Hypersensitive. I am in no way belittling any sort of actual violence toward anyone, for any reason. My words, even if they bring offense or you disagree with them, being called "violence" is likely to cause me to point and laugh.
Being a fat kid, and of small stature led to a few scrapes. I had a cousin that was a few months older and a whole lot bigger. I couldn't take him in a straight up fight, so I learned early that when it was time to go, go quick and dirty. It stood me in good stead for the next 30 years.
I'm old and broken now, but if it comes to it, I have one fight left in me if I need it.
Story checks out.
Depends on what they're saying, right?
Can't go along with this nonsense. Don't be shy about it. That's exactly what you're doing. In the exact terms you're doing it. You've reduced hate crime like the murder of Matthew Sheperd to how unfair it is being held to account for expressing your 'patriotism' on the train ride home. Don't back away from that now.
Nobody said you'd committed violence. Does that disappoint you?
Quick doesn't have to mean dirty.
And you're going to make that decision based on a serious misunderstanding of what hate crime is. Got it.
I could tell you some stories.
Not at all. Random praise make me think you want something. I have a pretty good handle on my vices and virtues, so random criticism is just noise and isn't going to hurt my fee fees.
I'm not being clear. Or are you being obtuse?
Actually, the special kid who accused me of a microagression did. He actually reported me to some stupid student council for my two word reply, and I had to appear to "justify my actions". That was actually kind of fun, I read them the text of the first amendment.
It does when your opponent is 9 inches taller, has about a foot of reach, outweighs you by 40 pounds and has intent to harm. The quicker you finish, the fewer licks you're gonna take.
Hardly, it would be more of a forlorn hope. In self defense or defense of a loved one.