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Published 8 years ago by Triseult with 22 Comments
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Conversation 13 comments by 8 users
  • Urbanknight4
    +11

    There's a reason why we value our privacy so highly, precisely so this sort of thing never happens. If you're a cheater, you obviously deserve the social stigma and your partner's ire (and possible departure), but never should you suffer time in jail (the government doesn't really have a say in what should happen in your marriage) nor much less death (getting killed because you couldn't keep it in your pants? That has got to be the ultimate way to wound someone's pride... not to mention their life)

    I'm against this website even existing in the first place, but I wouldn't have taken it down like this (if it's even down). I thought it would be ok for everyone to know who you are since, hey, you're a cheater.... but the truth is that things are never black and white. Not everyone using that site is an evil dude looking for women to bang... and even if they were, nobody deserves to get whacked because of that.

    • redalastor
      +11

      It's still advertising as if nothing happened. The site is up too. The front page hilariously displays Trusted Security Award and 100% discreet service which I both find very funny.

      • frohawk
        +3

        Man, someone should hack the site again and post all the relevant links about this leak on the site, and what's been happening to the people who've used it.

        • redalastor
          +7

          I wanted to check who gave them the security award since that company obviously sucks at due diligence. Turns out it is self awarded so the company giving it indeed sucks at security.

          • Urbanknight4
            +5

            Self awarded? Doesn't it kind of defeat the purpose if you can set the parameters for an award yourself?

            • MrVelveteen
              +7

              Well yeah, but who turns down free awards?

            • Urbanknight4
              +2
              @MrVelveteen -

              I nominate myself for Pimp of the Month, and "The Man With The Best Hair in 2015"

      • PushPull
        +2

        You think that's funny, try working for the government and getting stupid work emails from OPM reminding us about 'social engineering', 'phishing', and 'play it safe' on line. The best one yet was the one that reminded us to keep our OS and antivirus up to date on our home computers. Fucking idiots, I've been on the Internet for nearly 20 years, and I never had a problem until the OPM breach.

        • redalastor
          +1

          Not everyone is computer savvy. However the people who could benefit from the advice are the exact same people who wouldn't know an antivirus from a malware masquerading as one.

    • fractal
      +4

      Honest question, why do cheaters deserve social stigma? As far I am concerned, most of men I know are or have been unfaithful. I have a hard time believing in monogamy, so I don't understand why society should punish cheaters. It seems to me to be that it's an individual and their partner issue, nothing that should involve society.

      I am not against their website. They offer a service catered to a very particular subset of the population. Some couples are ok with that. Others don't, but what two (or more) consenting adults do with their bodies and their time is none of my business. I've read some interviews to people who used to work of AM and they mentioned a case where the wife got disabled on a wheelchair and pushed her husband to look for other women on AM, or other cases where they were looking for a third partner.

      To be clear, I am against cheating, and I seem to remember that AM advertised heavily on the cheating aspect, but that's just a way to look at things, since most of society sees extramarital affairs as cheating.

      • ColonBowel
        +8

        The problem is when you swear to a person that you will be monogamous with them, and then you don't. The problem isn't that having an "extra-marital" affair is wrong, it's that you made a contract with someone and broke it. That person wanted someone with a certain criteria, and you said that you met that criteria. Later, you break that contract and ruin that person's plans. That's greedy and highly disrespectful.

        Furthermore, the person that was cheated on also receives lots of social embarrassment, such as people partly blaming them for the infidelity.

        So if you're doing this and screwing someone over, why should anyone care about you saving face? If you don't want to look like an asshole, don't cheat. Be honest and either don't get married or get a divorce.

      • Zeus (edited 8 years ago)
        +5

        Cheating also impacts the relationships of those around you. The more people turn out to be lying cheaters, the harder it gets for actual happily married couples to trust one another. Because if something happens to everyone around you, it's hard not to believe it'll happen to you too.

        If all your friends turn out to have no good lying, cheating spouses, even if your spouse is great, it's going to be harder to trust them. That's just the way people operate.

        If no one ever had an affair, stressing over infidelity would be silly. But if 70% of married people cheat, a little paranoia becomes sadly understandable. Even in a seemingly happy, healthy relationship.

        • fractal
          +3

          Trust is something you give, once broken you move on. That's the circle of life. Just because your trust got broken doesn't mean someone else doesn't deserve it, just that the one you gave it to was the wrong person.

          I entirely disagree with your opinion about paranoia, you are describing a delusion (that almost everybody is faithful) and lack of self-confidence. I met my wife in the South of China, where cheating is not only expected, but a source of pride. Cheating on my wife hasn't crossed my mind in the five years we've been together. It is not hard to trust my spouse, my spouse is not society, that's why I choose her. Even if she cheated, there was something wrong in our relationship, or monogamy it's just something human beings aren't suppose to do but we keep trying nobody knows exactly why.

          70% of married people cheat... I find that accurate, probably on the conservative side of things, in my point of view it has to be close to 90%. Of all the males I know, I can only vouch for two that I don't know for sure have cheated.

          And what if she cheats? she is not my possession, she can do whatever she wants. Why is it going to hurt me? Because she didn't met my expectations of perfection, because I am possible afraid that the other guy was a better lover than me? I don't meet my own expectations of perfection, why should I expect someone else to be more perfect than my own vision of perfection? I am talking purely sexual affairs, not romantic affairs.

          Once that said, I can say that I blindly trust my wife, recently she went back to China for a whole month and I stayed home taking care of the dogs and working, not even once the feeling of that she would cheat on me crossed my mind, and the feeling of cheating on her didn't cross mine either.

  • Fooferhill
    +6

    The point in this article is that in some jurisdictions the people using Ashley Maddison are committing an offence under their laws when they take certain actions such as adultery. It is therefore not just the publication of their names that has serious consequences alone but the acts they engage in via this website in the first place. If you run these risks hoping not to get caught, when there are extreme consequences, when you get found out (by whatever means) you are a victim of your own risk taking. I don't agree with breaking laws around privacy to catch people cheating etc, but I also think that when you play with fire you often get burned.

    • Triseult
      +3

      So, in your opinion, the hacker who breaks the law to acquire confidential information that causes harm to another person is absolved of moral responsibility, then?

      • Urbanknight4
        +3

        He never even mentioned the hackers. What he meant was that the affected by the hackers have less of a victim case than usual because one way or another, they were breaking the law in the first place. I'm not a homophobe and I dont condone the anti-gay laws, but the gay dude knew full well what Saudi Arabia's laws are. There was always a chance he would be found out... the safest thing would have been to simply leave the country instead of trying to hide in a country that literally wants him dead. Same for the cheaters. They weren't doing anything legal or right in most countries, so they're not exactly blameless victims. It sucks that those laws exist, but yo.. if my country said I couldn't do something under threat of death, I wouldn't go on a cheating website to do it anyways.

        • Triseult
          +6

          OP didn't mention the hackers, but by saying the cheater who gets hacked deserved what came to them because they did an illegal act, they're saying that the hacker is not morally responsible for the act of leaking the damaging information.

          I'm not sure I agree with that idea at all. Especially when these are people who are doing something illegal because their country is repressive on issues such as gay rights.

          If legality is all we care about, are we saying, "It sucks that women get stoned for adultery in Saudi Arabia, but yo, they just had not to do it"? Because that's what it sounds like to me.

          • Urbanknight4
            +1

            That's pretty much what I'm saying. Its like getting mugged. No matter how wrong and despicable it is to steal, he's holding the gun and you're not. By extension, the government over in those countries have the police and the judicial systems. They make the laws- it's unfortunate that they're wrong and backwards, but unless you're moving out or making a point as an activist, there's no reason to throw your life away if you know that you're breaking a law.

            Now... I think you may be confused in the sense of blame. Who's to blame here? Not one single group. All of them are at fault. The government for being oppressive. The web service for knowingly providing a way to perpetrate illegal activities. The consumer for carrying through said illegal activities. In a perfect world the government wouldn't be a douche, therefore eliminating the need to hide from it, but that's not the real world right now.

            Also... keep in mind I'm just defending those oppressed, at least they have some semblance of an excuse. Cheaters are a different issue. Being unfaithful is in no way excusable, so they were playing with hot water from the start. Their punishment was over the top, and in the countries where they could die, unfair... but again. If you know it's illegal to be gay or cheat or wear purple boxers in a country that would kill you for doing so.... why would you give them the excuse they're looking for to whack you?

      • Fooferhill
        +2

        I'm pretty sure I said I don't agree with people breaking the laws of privacy. Very clearly I have stated this opinion. My point is really that I don't agree with anyone breaking any of the laws. My view is that when you know what your laws are and you choose to run the risk of breaking them there are sometimes consequences and such consequences can be serious. If you get caught out in such consequences it is due to your risk taking. I have the same view for those caught hacking any website and publishing data.

  • imokruok
    +5

    20 states in the US adultery is still technically illegal!? That's outrageous! Oklahoma– 5 years in prison! "the law was originally put on the books in 1749 with a $10 fine," how is this possible still a law? Ashley Madison gets hacked, no surprise there;;;duhh. The guy from Saudi Arabia asking about refugee status is just heartbreaking, THAT is the real story.

  • TonyDiGerolamo
    +3

    Cheating is pretty dark to begin with, but yeah, this is darker.

  • nauthas
    +1

    It's conflicting. On the one hand a lot of my friends reactions were "Well, they knew what they were getting into, they surely knew the risks and consequences" and in some ways I do agree with that. I feel for these people, but they knew they were breaking the law, but decided to anyways. Surely you've got to reap what you sow. I feel for the user who could be stoned to death (I'm not going to question there authenticity) but it still seems weird to me the idea of backing up people whom's cheated or cheating. Either way we should take this as the lesson, to know that the internet isn't sacred, and to take precautions.

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