Honest question, why do cheaters deserve social stigma? As far I am concerned, most of men I know are or have been unfaithful. I have a hard time believing in monogamy, so I don't understand why society should punish cheaters. It seems to me to be that it's an individual and their partner issue, nothing that should involve society.
I am not against their website. They offer a service catered to a very particular subset of the population. Some couples are ok with that. Others don't, but what two (or more) consenting adults do with their bodies and their time is none of my business. I've read some interviews to people who used to work of AM and they mentioned a case where the wife got disabled on a wheelchair and pushed her husband to look for other women on AM, or other cases where they were looking for a third partner.
To be clear, I am against cheating, and I seem to remember that AM advertised heavily on the cheating aspect, but that's just a way to look at things, since most of society sees extramarital affairs as cheating.
The problem is when you swear to a person that you will be monogamous with them, and then you don't. The problem isn't that having an "extra-marital" affair is wrong, it's that you made a contract with someone and broke it. That person wanted someone with a certain criteria, and you said that you met that criteria. Later, you break that contract and ruin that person's plans. That's greedy and highly disrespectful.
Furthermore, the person that was cheated on also receives lots of social embarrassment, such as people partly blaming them for the infidelity.
So if you're doing this and screwing someone over, why should anyone care about you saving face? If you don't want to look like an asshole, don't cheat. Be honest and either don't get married or get a divorce.
Cheating also impacts the relationships of those around you. The more people turn out to be lying cheaters, the harder it gets for actual happily married couples to trust one another. Because if something happens to everyone around you, it's hard not to believe it'll happen to you too.
If all your friends turn out to have no good lying, cheating spouses, even if your spouse is great, it's going to be harder to trust them. That's just the way people operate.
If no one ever had an affair, stressing over infidelity would be silly. But if 70% of married people cheat, a little paranoia becomes sadly understandable. Even in a seemingly happy, healthy relationship.
Trust is something you give, once broken you move on. That's the circle of life. Just because your trust got broken doesn't mean someone else doesn't deserve it, just that the one you gave it to was the wrong person.
I entirely disagree with your opinion about paranoia, you are describing a delusion (that almost everybody is faithful) and lack of self-confidence. I met my wife in the South of China, where cheating is not only expected, but a source of pride. Cheating on my wife hasn't crossed my mind in the five years we've been together.
It is not hard to trust my spouse, my spouse is not society, that's why I choose her. Even if she cheated, there was something wrong in our relationship, or monogamy it's just something human beings aren't suppose to do but we keep trying nobody knows exactly why.
70% of married people cheat... I find that accurate, probably on the conservative side of things, in my point of view it has to be close to 90%. Of all the males I know, I can only vouch for two that I don't know for sure have cheated.
And what if she cheats? she is not my possession, she can do whatever she wants. Why is it going to hurt me? Because she didn't met my expectations of perfection, because I am possible afraid that the other guy was a better lover than me? I don't meet my own expectations of perfection, why should I expect someone else to be more perfect than my own vision of perfection?
I am talking purely sexual affairs, not romantic affairs.
Once that said, I can say that I blindly trust my wife, recently she went back to China for a whole month and I stayed home taking care of the dogs and working, not even once the feeling of that she would cheat on me crossed my mind, and the feeling of cheating on her didn't cross mine either.
Honest question, why do cheaters deserve social stigma? As far I am concerned, most of men I know are or have been unfaithful. I have a hard time believing in monogamy, so I don't understand why society should punish cheaters. It seems to me to be that it's an individual and their partner issue, nothing that should involve society.
I am not against their website. They offer a service catered to a very particular subset of the population. Some couples are ok with that. Others don't, but what two (or more) consenting adults do with their bodies and their time is none of my business. I've read some interviews to people who used to work of AM and they mentioned a case where the wife got disabled on a wheelchair and pushed her husband to look for other women on AM, or other cases where they were looking for a third partner.
To be clear, I am against cheating, and I seem to remember that AM advertised heavily on the cheating aspect, but that's just a way to look at things, since most of society sees extramarital affairs as cheating.
The problem is when you swear to a person that you will be monogamous with them, and then you don't. The problem isn't that having an "extra-marital" affair is wrong, it's that you made a contract with someone and broke it. That person wanted someone with a certain criteria, and you said that you met that criteria. Later, you break that contract and ruin that person's plans. That's greedy and highly disrespectful.
Furthermore, the person that was cheated on also receives lots of social embarrassment, such as people partly blaming them for the infidelity.
So if you're doing this and screwing someone over, why should anyone care about you saving face? If you don't want to look like an asshole, don't cheat. Be honest and either don't get married or get a divorce.
Cheating also impacts the relationships of those around you. The more people turn out to be lying cheaters, the harder it gets for actual happily married couples to trust one another. Because if something happens to everyone around you, it's hard not to believe it'll happen to you too.
If all your friends turn out to have no good lying, cheating spouses, even if your spouse is great, it's going to be harder to trust them. That's just the way people operate.
If no one ever had an affair, stressing over infidelity would be silly. But if 70% of married people cheat, a little paranoia becomes sadly understandable. Even in a seemingly happy, healthy relationship.
Trust is something you give, once broken you move on. That's the circle of life. Just because your trust got broken doesn't mean someone else doesn't deserve it, just that the one you gave it to was the wrong person.
I entirely disagree with your opinion about paranoia, you are describing a delusion (that almost everybody is faithful) and lack of self-confidence. I met my wife in the South of China, where cheating is not only expected, but a source of pride. Cheating on my wife hasn't crossed my mind in the five years we've been together. It is not hard to trust my spouse, my spouse is not society, that's why I choose her. Even if she cheated, there was something wrong in our relationship, or monogamy it's just something human beings aren't suppose to do but we keep trying nobody knows exactly why.
70% of married people cheat... I find that accurate, probably on the conservative side of things, in my point of view it has to be close to 90%. Of all the males I know, I can only vouch for two that I don't know for sure have cheated.
And what if she cheats? she is not my possession, she can do whatever she wants. Why is it going to hurt me? Because she didn't met my expectations of perfection, because I am possible afraid that the other guy was a better lover than me? I don't meet my own expectations of perfection, why should I expect someone else to be more perfect than my own vision of perfection? I am talking purely sexual affairs, not romantic affairs.
Once that said, I can say that I blindly trust my wife, recently she went back to China for a whole month and I stayed home taking care of the dogs and working, not even once the feeling of that she would cheat on me crossed my mind, and the feeling of cheating on her didn't cross mine either.