A man spoke to each of his 3 sons when he sent them off to college... "I feel it's my duty to provide you with the best possible education. You do not owe me anything for that. However, I want you to appreciate it. As a token of your gratitude, please each put $1,000 into my coffin when I die."

And so it happened. His sons became a doctor, a lawyer and a financial planner: each very financially successful.

When their father's time had come and they saw their father in the coffin, they remembered his wish and their duty and honour.

First, the doctor put 10 newly printed crisp $100 bills onto the chest of the deceased father.

Then, the financial planner also put $1,000 there in 20 newly printed crisp $50 bills.

Finally, it was the heartbroken lawyer's turn. He reached into his pocket, took out his checkbook, wrote a cheque for $3,000, put it into his father's coffin and took the $2,000 cash.

The lawyer is now running as a politician, possibly in your area.

Ethel was traveling alone and she was a bit lonely in the hotel all on her own. She thought, “I’ll call one of those men you see advertised in phone books for escorts and sex and have some fun.”

She looked through the phone book, found a full page ad for a guy calling himself Tender Tony – a very handsome man with assorted physical skills flexing in the photo. He had all the right muscles in all the right places, thick wavy hair, long powerful legs, dazzling smile, six pack abs and she felt quite certain she could bounce a sixpence off his well-oiled bum. She figured, “What the heck, nobody will ever know. I’ll give him a call.”

After a short ring, there was a response, “Good evening, ma’am, how may I help you?” Oh my, he sounded sooo sexy!

Afraid she would lose her nerve if she hesitated, she rushed right in, “Hi, I hear you give a great massage. I’d like you to come to my hotel room and give me one. No, wait, I should be straight with you. I’m in town all alone and what I really want is sex. I want it hot, and I want it now. Bring implements, toys, rubber, leather, whips, everything you’ve got in your bag of tricks. We’ll go hot and heavy all night – tie me up, cover me in chocolate syrup and whipped cream, anything and everything!!! Now how does that sound?”

The male voice responded, “That sounds absolutely fantastic madam, but you need to press 9 for an outside line.”