• neg8ivezero

    I am doing quite well. I am wasting away my work day, checking Snapzu instead of writing out the meeting itinerary that I need to get done.

    Honestly though, in the spirit of good conversation, a lot more is going on under the surface:

    I have been dealing with the potential that I may be autistic. I dont' want to sound like a crazy self-diagnoser, please hear me out. I am close friends with someone who has aspergers, I have a close relative who is working on becoming an ABA and her son has Aspergers. I am very familiar with the traits associated with various cases of autism and have also taken multiple screening tests. Based on my screening results and the opinions of a few experienced people, I believe I may be a high functioning autistic person. I could get a formal diagnosis but it really doesn't appeal to me because I have lived my whole life up to this point without it and I don't know that I see the benefit of getting it. To be more truthful, basically I am afraid to get the diagnosis.

    Looking back at my life and examining my childhood, a lot of previously perplexing things have started to make a lot of sense through the perspective of potentially being autistic. However, I fear how this might change people's perception of me if I were to get formally diagnosed. A couple of my close friends have asked me before if I was autistic but I just chalked it up to my introversion and short attention span, never really giving the idea much thought. I fear that though most would be outwardly understanding and nice about it, many would inwardly view me differently and perhaps even think of me as less intelligent, less compassionate, or less of something.

    Also, another thing on my mind is my work. I really hate my job but it pays super well, considering my lack of qualifications. In this job I have had the awesome opportunity to provide our company's services to an LGBT group and my superiors are doing everything in their power to make sure the deal falls through. My company is very conservative and maintains ties with right-wing conservative views, they view any event associated with the LGBT community as bad press. I know what the right thing to do is by my "moral code" but it may mean risking my family's only source of income. Furthermore, I would be unqualified to find another job making equal pay.

    All that being said, I truly am doing quite well. I have food, shelter, water, sex, love, and family. I don't fear for my life on a daily basis, I don't have any real problems, mostly just little stuff that starts to chafe away at me over time.