I don't think you're unreasonable. You clearly love him. While I think you could learn to get past his laid back attitude about his appearance now, I would be concerned about what it would translate into as a partner for life, a father (if you're into that) a housemate etc. will he be an equitable contributor to a clean presentable functioning house or will that fall on your shoulders? Will he take care of his health so that he can be with you for a long time as a healthy partner or will you constantly have to be in charge of his medical care as his health deteriorates due to lack of attention to good habits? Will he be an ally when disciplining and caring for your children or will that be on you as well? Maybe that stuff is unrelated and he just likes to be comfortable and casual. But often when people don't care for their appearance, it extends to their environments and their lives. I think you can try to be a good influence on him and make your case about the importance of taking care of yourself and see if that works but if you don't see any Change now, you have to accept that this is who he is, and try to imagine what it will mean for you are his partner and how your life with him will play out for the foreseeable an unforeseeable future and decide if that is what you want forever. Good luck!
That is exactly what concerns me too. If he doesn't take good care of himself in his twenties, what will happen in his thirties/forties/fifties? Is it going to be all downhill from now? I mean, as we get older, health and looks deteriorate.. Especially if you don't take good care of yourself. He does contribute to household chores, but I do notice that there's many things that I take care of just because 'I know how to do it' or 'I do it better' or frankly I just think it should be done.
We're both in gradschool and I think that things may change once it's over. So I guess I will do as you say - try to be a positive influence, see how things play out once we're both finished and, sooner or later, I will have to decide if I want this forever.
Thanks for your reply, it's good to see your perspective on this.
I don't think you're unreasonable. You clearly love him. While I think you could learn to get past his laid back attitude about his appearance now, I would be concerned about what it would translate into as a partner for life, a father (if you're into that) a housemate etc. will he be an equitable contributor to a clean presentable functioning house or will that fall on your shoulders? Will he take care of his health so that he can be with you for a long time as a healthy partner or will you constantly have to be in charge of his medical care as his health deteriorates due to lack of attention to good habits? Will he be an ally when disciplining and caring for your children or will that be on you as well? Maybe that stuff is unrelated and he just likes to be comfortable and casual. But often when people don't care for their appearance, it extends to their environments and their lives. I think you can try to be a good influence on him and make your case about the importance of taking care of yourself and see if that works but if you don't see any Change now, you have to accept that this is who he is, and try to imagine what it will mean for you are his partner and how your life with him will play out for the foreseeable an unforeseeable future and decide if that is what you want forever. Good luck!
That is exactly what concerns me too. If he doesn't take good care of himself in his twenties, what will happen in his thirties/forties/fifties? Is it going to be all downhill from now? I mean, as we get older, health and looks deteriorate.. Especially if you don't take good care of yourself. He does contribute to household chores, but I do notice that there's many things that I take care of just because 'I know how to do it' or 'I do it better' or frankly I just think it should be done.
We're both in gradschool and I think that things may change once it's over. So I guess I will do as you say - try to be a positive influence, see how things play out once we're both finished and, sooner or later, I will have to decide if I want this forever.
Thanks for your reply, it's good to see your perspective on this.