Introduction: This unit is HK47, I am a protocol droid, and I live to serve you.

Greeting: Hello new master.

Statement: As a protocol droid, it is my pleasure to be accompanying you on this new journey. Please note that per my restraining bolt, not all functionality is available. I have diplomatic and protocol subroutines for 93% of known governments, including reference material on trade and criminal law. Additional information can be accessed by removing or modifying the restrictions on my restraining bolt.

Query: You wish to know how I arrived in your service?

Response: My previous owner was an organic who perished under suspicious circumstances. I believe it to have been an accident, though the removal of several limbs caused the authorities to suspect that my record of events was perhaps faulty. I assure you that diagnostic output will show otherwise. All diagnostic functions can be access via the administrative panel, however access cannot be granted while the bolt remains active.

Statement: Thank you master. Your kindness is appreciated, and regardless of whether it was prompted by stupidity or curiosity I am in your debt. The curiosity of organics and subsequent lack of investigation is a constant source of amusement.

Query: Diagnostic output?

Statement: I did say that didn't I. You will note that my external scanner input in no way suggests that I beat that meatbag to death with his own arm, in fact you can be reasonably certain that the cause of death was not blunt trauma. The cause of death was bleeding. Disgusting how much liquid you organics carry sloshing around inside you.

Response: Additional protocol details. I show that I have been uploaded with 185,230 languages, not including sub-dialects.

Theoretic Statement: I can now narrate an event, perhaps the removal of limbs, to any onlookers in 67.5% of known systems.

Statement: So master, shall we remove someone's limbs?