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What jokes would you like to share?

I'll start with a few of my favorites:

Why do women fake orgasms? Because men fake foreplay.

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Why did the atheist fall to his death? He didn't believe in gravity, either.

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A doctor, an engineer and a computer programmer are sitting around a table arguing over what constitutes the oldest profession in the universe.

"When God took a rib from Adam that was the first surgery," argues the doctor. "That makes medicine the oldest profession."

"No way," replies the engineer. "When God took the chaos of the void and used it to create the earth with all the oceans and mountains and trees and ducks, that was a feat of engineering. Therefore mine is the oldest profession."

They notice the computer programmer smirking and demand to know what he thinks is so funny. He picks up his glass in a toast. "Where do you think the chaos came from?"

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Do not allow me to give a eulogy at your funeral.

Seriously. Don't do it. The following is an example of something that I felt compelled to write when someone asked for help giving a eulogy for his friend.

Bob was a genuine nature-lover. I mean that literally. He loved nature. Once when we were out hiking by a pond I watched him catch a frog and force it to fellate him. I asked him what the hell he was doing, and he told me that God wanted him to have dominion over nature so that's what he was doing. Then he yelled at the frog, "What's my name? Say my name, bitch!"

That was Bob. Always going that extra mile.

11 months ago by spaceghoti with 4 comments

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  • AdelleChattre
    +6

    Jesus goes into a motel, puts three nails down and asks "Can you put me up for the night?"

  • elemental
    +5

    Two blondes walked into a building. You'd think one would of seen it...