But there's one thing I don't want to put in my mouth again.
Now, before I drank this infernal liquid in China, I had a theory that any alcohol, if you drank it in its country of origin from a reputed source, could be delicious. I used to dislike tequila, but then I had Patron and it was awesome.
Then I went to China and had baijiu.
Baijiu is a distilled liquor made from rice. Sounds pretty inoffensive, right? Hah!
It's not that the taste of baijiu is so terrible. It's... weird, vaguely astringent, but otherwise tolerable.
It's not the after-taste that's awful. It kinda sneaks up on you and makes you shiver, but it ain't that bad.
There's the after-after-taste, and it's a bit nasty. Just as the after-taste fades, you think baijiu just isn't as bad as you remember, then BAM. A wave of awfulness washes over you as your body comprehends the satanic horror you have ingested.
And then the after-after-after-taste kicks in.
How can I describe it? It's Lovecraftian. It's like waking up from a dream and realizing the woman you've loved your whole life was just a dead, wet dog. It's the spiritual equivalent of a dry heave. For one second, the sheer awfulness of the drink permeates your soul and gives you a glimpse of eternal damnation.
I had to drink a lot of it once in a social situation... I was hungover for two days. Two days.
My friendly nickname for it is "Monk Toe Juice."
On Christmas of 2005, I visited Vietnam and ended up sharing cobra curry and snake blood with a bunch of dudes. They had a bunch of black cobras out back, which they killed for the curry and then collected the blood. They then mixed it with homemade rice alcohol to prevent clotting, and shared it around in a plastic bottle.
Being a good guest, I accepted the glasses I was offered. The taste wasn't as bad as I thought, but spitting blood clots on the cement floor was a weird experience.
Now, following an incomprehensible sadistic impulse, I had brought a bottle of mau tai, a high-end (and yet supremely awful) baijiu. I offered some to my new friends.
The guys took a swig, made a face, shivered, then looked like they had just heard their mothers had died in the middle of an orgy involving a well-endowed horse.
And the men who drank snake blood for pleasure said:
"Cough It's not that strong."
Nobody bought that statement. They went right back to snake blood after that.
99% of the time I refuse anything that has even a smidgen of sambuca. Learned the hard way that me and sambuca don't mix well. Since that lesson, I took a flaming shot of it once to coax a friend to drink with me. She also bet me I wouldn't take it so I had to restore my honor.
Many years ago, my friends and I were at a friend's lakeside cottage. Eventually we decided to start drinking. I had all of two beer into me and decided to take a single shot of whiskey.
I fell down relatively sober and stood up hammered.
Since then, I can't even smell whiskey without my stomach starting to turn... which is unfortunate because I actually like the taste of whiskey, but my stomach apparently hired a bouncer to throw out any whiskey that tries to sneak in.
Champagne - I think i must be allergic to it or something cause i cant even get 2 sips into a glass before bringing up my innards back into the glass. The first time I had it I had a whole glass, threw up in the bathroom then had a 3 day hangover where i couldn't even move. You'd have thought i'd been drinking the pub dry I was so ill but no, just a single glass of champagne.
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Goldschläger? Whiskey? Tequila? Sambucca? I like all of those, and sure don't mind them. Korean soju? Bring it. Mezcal? Love it. I drank "mezcal de pechuga auténtico," which involves suspending a turkey breast in the still. I drank viper alcohol (with a dead viper inside the bottle), and North Korean penis wine. (I'm not kidding.) I even had snake blood mixed with rice alcohol... More on that in a moment.
But there's one thing I don't want to put in my mouth again.
Now, before I drank this infernal liquid in China, I had a theory that any alcohol, if you drank it in its country of origin from a reputed source, could be delicious. I used to dislike tequila, but then I had Patron and it was awesome.
Then I went to China and had baijiu.
Baijiu is a distilled liquor made from rice. Sounds pretty inoffensive, right? Hah!
It's not that the taste of baijiu is so terrible. It's... weird, vaguely astringent, but otherwise tolerable.
It's not the after-taste that's awful. It kinda sneaks up on you and makes you shiver, but it ain't that bad.
There's the after-after-taste, and it's a bit nasty. Just as the after-taste fades, you think baijiu just isn't as bad as you remember, then BAM. A wave of awfulness washes over you as your body comprehends the satanic horror you have ingested.
And then the after-after-after-taste kicks in.
How can I describe it? It's Lovecraftian. It's like waking up from a dream and realizing the woman you've loved your whole life was just a dead, wet dog. It's the spiritual equivalent of a dry heave. For one second, the sheer awfulness of the drink permeates your soul and gives you a glimpse of eternal damnation.
I had to drink a lot of it once in a social situation... I was hungover for two days. Two days.
My friendly nickname for it is "Monk Toe Juice."
On Christmas of 2005, I visited Vietnam and ended up sharing cobra curry and snake blood with a bunch of dudes. They had a bunch of black cobras out back, which they killed for the curry and then collected the blood. They then mixed it with homemade rice alcohol to prevent clotting, and shared it around in a plastic bottle.
Being a good guest, I accepted the glasses I was offered. The taste wasn't as bad as I thought, but spitting blood clots on the cement floor was a weird experience.
Now, following an incomprehensible sadistic impulse, I had brought a bottle of mau tai, a high-end (and yet supremely awful) baijiu. I offered some to my new friends.
The guys took a swig, made a face, shivered, then looked like they had just heard their mothers had died in the middle of an orgy involving a well-endowed horse.
And the men who drank snake blood for pleasure said:
"Cough It's not that strong."
Nobody bought that statement. They went right back to snake blood after that.
It's that bad.
I never saw anyone use Lovecraftian to describe something!
Schnapps (any flavor, especially peppermint) or Wild Turkey. Ugh.
The sickest I ever was ...peppermint schnapps. Can't bear the smell even after 25 years.
Gin, I hate the taste of gin!
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Tequila.
Absinthe.
Someone is hungover! Personally I do not have any alcohol on a never again drink list.
99% of the time I refuse anything that has even a smidgen of sambuca. Learned the hard way that me and sambuca don't mix well. Since that lesson, I took a flaming shot of it once to coax a friend to drink with me. She also bet me I wouldn't take it so I had to restore my honor.
Whiskey.
Many years ago, my friends and I were at a friend's lakeside cottage. Eventually we decided to start drinking. I had all of two beer into me and decided to take a single shot of whiskey.
I fell down relatively sober and stood up hammered.
Since then, I can't even smell whiskey without my stomach starting to turn... which is unfortunate because I actually like the taste of whiskey, but my stomach apparently hired a bouncer to throw out any whiskey that tries to sneak in.
all of it. 1 year 5 months alcohol free for me today to be exact :D
:) congratulations, 29 years for me.
and congrats to you too :)
Try this award-winning shit-swill: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/100_Pipers
Jagermeister, it's literally cough syrup.
Everclear
Champagne - I think i must be allergic to it or something cause i cant even get 2 sips into a glass before bringing up my innards back into the glass. The first time I had it I had a whole glass, threw up in the bathroom then had a 3 day hangover where i couldn't even move. You'd have thought i'd been drinking the pub dry I was so ill but no, just a single glass of champagne.
never again.