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Published 2 months ago with 2 Comments
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  • AdelleChattre (edited 2 months ago)
    +6

    Oh dear. An Indiana sportscaster was retired. As if that weren’t enough to make you impatient with the world, a racer-turned-sportscaster lost his TV deal. Gird your loins, though, it couldn’t end there. Pharmaceutical giant Eli Lilly and Company only sponsored two of three planned cars at the NASCAR Xfinity Series Race at Road America this year. So straightaway you know there’s something rotten in Denmark.

    What’s the goddamn problem? They’re free, white, and 21, right? They’ve been deprived of their birthright. If I follow the alt-right crowd’s simmering fauxtrage correctly, this is clearly because of something that, surprisingly enough, they can only explain in terms of their bafflement.

    Correlated with these stark tragedies, crimes against the natural order of things really, is the tell-tale odor of racism. Well, that sure explains what rustled the Magas’ jimmies in all this. I say ‘correlated with’ as opposed to ‘caused by’ because that’s what makes any sense. Try it yourself. Like solving a maze in reverse, start with how brutally oppressed rich white men are in settler-colonial America and see if you can find your way back to why these guys aren’t getting the kind of checks they’d prefer. Talk about your cultures of victimization.

    Of course it all goes back to an immigrant. You know how those people are. Some filthy, drunken Mick came over here and the story almost writes itself, right? Being white, though, technically, it’s not his fault he ran his Paddy mouth where he shouldn’t’ve. It’d’ve been one thing if it’d only been routine use of everyday phrases like “the only nigger in the wood pile.” Who here hasn’t said that at least once this week? It was probably when telling stories about it on-air that better judgment should’ve come into play. I mean, it sounds like he’s a real nice guy and all, even if there’re more racist skinheads in his character recommendation than are perhaps normal. If that’s where he’d stuck the gin bottle back in his enchanted, emerald mouth that’d’ve been the end of it. But guys talk, word gets around, you hear things.

    Here’s a little context one may not’ve known if you’re new to being an American. Turns out there’ve been racist pricks here for some time. It’s not the novelty it is today in Chief Justice Roberts’ post-racial Jim Crow America. One of the more insidious chapters in the American history of racist secret societies is the Know-Nothings. I’m going from memory here, but I think this was the Silver Age of the KKK, where it was more about multi-level marketing and moving the merch than the usual terrorism, brutality and murder. Sure, the hoods and the lamé robes were a big part of it, and the murder naturally, but their big thing was denying what they were. If anyone ever called bullshit on them, they’d claim “I don’t know nuffin.’” Kinda how they got to be called Know-Nothings.

    Know-Nothings have come a long way since those early days. The president is a Know-Nothing. So was his father Fred, presumably once he’d washed the stink of his family’s immigration status off. If you’re landing on American shores for the first time, you can be forgiven for not immediately understanding why Derek Daly’s ridiculous claim that he didn’t know ‘nigger’ meant nigger didn’t magically restore his birthright as, technically, white, the stupid bog-jumping cat-lick.

  • achekulaev
    +4

    PC Police: Im sorry bob, were letting you go.

    Bob: Why? I have been an outstanding employee!

    PC Police: We know Bob, but unfortunately our enhanced background check uncovered something we just cant stand for Bob.

    Bob: What could you have possibly found? Im a decent human, who does my best to treat everyone fairly.

    PC Police: Well Bob, It's your father. He did some unspeakable things to a little boy, and was convicted for child molestation. We can not support that behavior.

    Bob: I was the victim!

    PC Police: Well Bob, you should have shared your family's horrific bahavior during the background check. Family's fun cheezy pizza can no longer be associated with you.

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