1.Law of Mechanical Repair -
After your hands become coated with grease,
Your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to
2.Law of Gravity -
Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped,
Will roll to the least accessible place in the
3.Law of Probability -
The probability of being watched is directly
Proportional to the stupidity of your act.
4.Law of Random Numbers -
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a
Busy signal; someone always answers.
5.Variation Law -
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one
You were in will always move faster than the
One you are in now.
6.Law of the Bath -
When the body is fully immersed in water,
the telephone will ring.
7.Law of Close Encounters -
The probability of meeting someone you know
INCREASES dramatically when you are with
someone you don't want to be seen with.
8.Law of the Result -
When you try to prove to someone that
A machine won't work, IT WILL!!!
9.Law of Biomechanics -
The severity of the itch is inversely
Proportional to the reach.
10.Law of the Theater & Hockey Arena -
At any event, the people whose seats are
Farthest from the aisle, always arrive last.
They are the ones who will leave their seats
Several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet
And who leave early before the end of the
Performance or the game is over. The folks
In the aisle seats come early, never move
Once, have long gangly legs or big bellies
and stay to the bitter end of the performance.
The aisle people also are very surly folk.
11.The Coffee Law -
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee,
Your boss will ask you to do something which
will last until the coffee is cold.
12.Murphy's Law of Lockers -
If there are only 2 people in a locker room,
They will have adjacent lockers.
13.Law of Physical Surfaces -
The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich
Landing face down on a floor are directly
Correlated to the newness and cost of the
Carpet or rug.
14.Law of Logical Argument -
Anything is possible IF you don't know
What you are talking about.
15.Law of Physical Appearance -
If the clothes fit, they're ugly.
16.Law of Public Speaking --
A CLOSED MOUTH GATHERS NO FEET!
17.Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy -
As soon as you find a product that you really
Like, they will stop making it OR the store will
Stop selling it!
18.Doctors' Law -
If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go
To the doctor, by the time you get there, you'll feel
Better. But don't make an appointment and you'll