Not just homophobic, it's also dismissive of single parent homes, childless homes, and any other "non-conventional living arrangement"

You need some nail polish. Put one or two smallish blobs of it on the top of the handle part. Use a contrasting colour so that you can see which way is up, and use blobs so you can feel which way is up.

If you look at it before you try to jam it in, you'll save yourself some time and some frustration/embarrassment.

Do ducks swim?

Not really, almost all of the duck is floating on top of the water.

In Monopoly, taxes and stuff are left under the Free Parking corner of the board, and whoever lands there, gets whatever money is under that corner.

This is a house rule, not an actual Monopoly rule, and it makes everything take longer because it keeps money in circulation.