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Miracle Of Birth Occurs For 83 Billionth Time
The holy and sacrosanct miracle of birth, long revered by human civilization as the most mysterious and magical of all phenomena, took place for what experts are estimating "must be at least the 83 billionth time" Tuesday with the successful delivery of eight-pound, four-ounce baby boy Darryl Brandon Severson at Holy Mary Mother Of God Hospital.
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The Secret To Make BEST FACE MASK FOR ACNE - Natural Beauty - Health and Beauty Blog
In this article, we will see some methods to prepare the best homemade face mask for acne. We all experience some degree of acne from time to time.
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Facebook: ‘Identifying Hate Speech Is Difficult Because Some Posts Actually Make Pretty Interesting Points’
Warning that users who call for the suspension of bigoted accounts might just be afraid of a real debate, Facebook representatives told reporters Tuesday that classifying hate speech can be difficult because some posts actually make very interesting points. “At Facebook, we are committed to combating violence and hate speech on our platform, but can you really call these posts hate speech when a lot of them are based on science and logic?”
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Here’s what makes satire so funny, according to science
Analysis of headlines from the satirical newspaper The Onion could help you — or a computer — write humorous news headlines.
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The Onion Reviews 'Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again'
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No Joke: The Onion Faces Layoffs by Univision, Report Says
Univision reportedly plans big cuts at The Onion, Clickhole, A.V. Club, and the Takeout.
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Jeff Bezos Announces Customers Can Delete All Of Alexa’s Stored Audio By Rappelling Into Amazon HQ, Navigating Laser Field, Uploading Nanovirus To Servers
Responding to news of the digital assistant recording users’ conversations without their knowledge, Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos assured critics Tuesday that Alexa’s stored audio can be deleted by simply rappelling into company headquarters, maneuvering through an intricate laser field, and destroying every server with a nanovirus. “We take privacy concerns seriously, and I want our valued customers to know they can erase all the information their Amazon Echo has gathered just by...
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George R.R. Martin Promises Fans ‘The Winds Of Winter’ Is Nearly Started
Stoking readers’ anticipation about the long-awaited Game Of Thrones sequel, best-selling author George R.R. Martin promised fans Thursday that his upcoming novel The Winds Of Winter was nearly started. “I wanted to let everyone know that I’m sitting at my desk with a nice cup of tea, I’ve got a Word document open, and I’m just about ready to go,” Martin wrote in a blog post on his website, assuring readers that as soon as he cleared off his desk and threw a load of laundry into the dryer, he could pretty much begin.
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The Onion’s Brutal Israel Commentary Goes Beyond Satire
The country's leading humor publication has taken a stance on the Israel-Palestine conflict in a way that most "real" newspapers haven't.
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MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots
NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots. “Despite being a long accepted practice among team owners, the MLB executive board has determined that it is unethical and dangerous to perform the invasive act of removing a mascot’s genitals,” said Manfred, responding to public outcry over what many consider to be a cruel surgery, which teams claim makes mascots docile, easy to train, and prevents them from attacking fans.
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Onion Inc. has unionized
We’ve decided to form a union here at Onion Inc., home of The A.V. Club and our sister sites The Onion and ClickHole. First, all of The A.V. Club staff, along with an overwhelming majority of Onion Inc. staff, signed cards signaling our desire to unionize. Then we made it official on Monday when we requested formal recognition from our management. The new union comprises all of the creative staffs at Onion Inc.: The A.V. Club, The Onion, ClickHole, The Takeout, Onion Labs, and Onion Inc.’s video and art departments.
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‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens
In the hours following a violent rampage in Florida in which a lone attacker killed 17 individuals and seriously injured over a dozen others, citizens living in the only country where this kind of mass killing routinely occurs reportedly concluded Wednesday that there was no way to prevent the massacre from taking place. “This was a terrible tragedy, but sometimes these things just happen and there’s nothing anyone can do to stop them,” said Indiana resident Harold Turner...
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Missing Teen’s Friends Go On TV To Plead For Her Release, Gossip About Ugly Classmates
The Onion
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Bitcoin On Path To Functioning Just Like Real Currency
After Small Concentration Of People Acquire Majority Of It
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Heavenly Authorities Arrest God For Leaving Children In Overheating Planet
THE HEAVENS—Charging the supreme being with felony reckless endangerment, heavenly authorities placed the Lord our God, Divine Creator and Ruler of the Universe, under arrest Monday for leaving His children trapped in an overheating planet. “While it’s possible for even the most attentive deity to momentarily forget how quickly a planet’s temperature can rise, that’s no excuse for such horrifying negligence,” said the archangel Selaphiel, noting that...
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Shitty Graffiti Artist Captures 19-Year-Old Girl's Heart
From the moment she first laid eyes on his clumsy, haphazardly sprayed graffiti tag, Pomona College sophomore Jessica Tisselo has been completely enamored with 24-year-old shitty street artist Adam Zane, the love-struck Tisselo told reporters Thursday.
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Donald Trump
The Trump Documents - The documents below are part of a trove of classified files provided to The Onion by an anonymous whistleblower in the White House.
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Autistic Reporter, Michael Falk, Enchanted By Prison's Rigid Routine
Michael Falk interviews new prison inmate, disgraced financier, Brian Wasserman, and becomes spellbound by the repetitive monotony of daily prison life.
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Judge Rules White Girl Will Be Tried As Black Adult
The court ruled a white teen who stabbed a classmate to death will face the jury as a 300-pound black man.
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Snopes.com had to debunk a story from The Onion because people on the Internet are amazingly stupid
Kazakh pilots safely landed a passenger plane without the use of its front wheels after a malfunction in the aircraft’s front landing gear on Sunday. Video of the miraculous landing immediately emerged online. The incident took place when the Fokker 100 aircraft operated by Kazakh airline ‘Bek Air’, which had departed from Kyzylorda, was landing at Astana International Airport on Sunday morning.
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