Going down to where my father's people live, out in the country. It was always so much fun to run around with the dogs in the tobacco fields, go exploring in the woods, watch my granddaddy work on Mustangs, chit-chat with my German godmother.
I mean, I can still go visit any time, but it's not really the same when familial relations have changed so much that you're "the ex-wife's daughter" now, you know? :/
When I was about 10 or so, I got hit with a bad depression. Nothing really traumatic or anything happened, but I realized that I wasn't really happy with life anymore. I started seeing the bad side in everything. My grades dropped fast. I found myself alone a lot more. I stopped caring about things. I got to a point where I was either sad, or angry at myself for being sad. I remember having a suicide plan in like 4th grade, down to the date.
Since then, things have gotten a bit better. I didn't get better, but I learned to cope with always feeling empty. My hatred and anger turned into apathy. My huge swings down have started to kinda get smaller. I think what I have now is considered more bipolar disorder than major depression (I'll have little hits of mania, where I'm almost kinda glad to be alive), but I've kinda managed. It's destroyed a lot for me, but I've stopped caring.
I wish I could go back to those days were I was actually happy. Sure, I didn't have any real friends, and I got messed with a lot, but I remembered just being a lot more upbeat. It was the time before the sadness and bruising took over, and I could actually see the world in a positive light, rather than however I see it now.
The lack of adult responsibilities. I used to hate it when adults would say things like: "When you're older you'll realize how good you have it now". God they were right.
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The sense that the world was being run by responsible adults. I miss those days.....
Going down to where my father's people live, out in the country. It was always so much fun to run around with the dogs in the tobacco fields, go exploring in the woods, watch my granddaddy work on Mustangs, chit-chat with my German godmother.
I mean, I can still go visit any time, but it's not really the same when familial relations have changed so much that you're "the ex-wife's daughter" now, you know? :/
Happiness.
When I was about 10 or so, I got hit with a bad depression. Nothing really traumatic or anything happened, but I realized that I wasn't really happy with life anymore. I started seeing the bad side in everything. My grades dropped fast. I found myself alone a lot more. I stopped caring about things. I got to a point where I was either sad, or angry at myself for being sad. I remember having a suicide plan in like 4th grade, down to the date.
Since then, things have gotten a bit better. I didn't get better, but I learned to cope with always feeling empty. My hatred and anger turned into apathy. My huge swings down have started to kinda get smaller. I think what I have now is considered more bipolar disorder than major depression (I'll have little hits of mania, where I'm almost kinda glad to be alive), but I've kinda managed. It's destroyed a lot for me, but I've stopped caring.
I wish I could go back to those days were I was actually happy. Sure, I didn't have any real friends, and I got messed with a lot, but I remembered just being a lot more upbeat. It was the time before the sadness and bruising took over, and I could actually see the world in a positive light, rather than however I see it now.
The lack of adult responsibilities. I used to hate it when adults would say things like: "When you're older you'll realize how good you have it now". God they were right.
summer vacation
An non-outlawed Bill of Rights.